A Grace Full Life

6.14.2016

Making John Hughes Proud at the Skydeck Chicago aka Sears Tower

Yes I said Sears Tower.
Yes I realize it's not in all actuality called the Sears Tower any more.
No you won't ever hear me calling it anything else.
Even in a sponsored post.




When the fine people over at the Skydeck Chicago at the "Sears Tower" asked me if I wanted to come on over to their pad and hang, I was all "sure! Be right over in a few!"
Okay, maybe they didn't ask if I wanted to "hang" but I feel like that is what the Sears Tower would say to me if we were BFF's and I do feel like we are BFF's after our little adventure last weekend.
Because look:




I got up there and said, "it's like they were waiting for me!"
And then my husband said, "orrrr it's in honor of Ferris Bueller's Day off turning 30 this year."
Whatever.
The Sears Tower was my BFF, my homie.
It was rolling out the red carpet!
FOR MEEEE!





Look at the views my BFF gives.







Everything looks so small from up here.
I just recently wrote about gaining perspective from afar. 
Amazing what a couple thousand feet can do.






There's nothing like watching the world from way up high above.






Pointing out familiar buildings.




Like that one over there that we aren't mentioning right now because HELLO "Sears Tower".
It holds a lot of history for our little family.






Sorry.

Speaking of... this exhibit was going on when we were up at the Skydeck:






These mannequins were set up to recreate a scene from the movie Ferris Bueller.
One side note: seriously BFF, you couldn't find a better wig for Sloane?
Anyway, we were totally stoked to see this exhibit.
If you have no idea what this exhibit means, you wouldn't be alone.
And that makes me very sad.
VERY, VERY SAD.

Here is the clip of the movie from where this exhibit began:






Do you see what I mean about Sloane's hair???


Beside the point, I know.
So we see there is a line but I am prepared to wait because HAVE YOU JUST MET ME?
Oh in case this is the first time ever reading my blog, let me introduce myself:

My name is Kari. 
I have what some would say is a John Hughes obsession.
Not a keep his hair in my drawer, wallpaper my wall with his face, stalk his family members obsession.
No, nothing sinister like that.
I write posts about favorite movies that you should see; where all of the movie locations are in the greater Chicago area; tell you that I went to his former home and that I felt the need to connect with him on a deeper level; and finally I rallied everyone I knew to get a John Hughes museum started here in Chicago. 
You don't even want to know the inspiration behind the screenplay I am writing but I think you already do. 

So I waited in the line with my husband and my eight year old daughter.
The teenagers were all John who?
They know who Ferris Bueller is and love the movie and all but they don't have the mad love for the director like this crazy train does.
Anyway, as we were waiting I started to notice a trend in the exhibit:





Umm ma'am?
You're doing it wrong.

Over and over.
One after the other.
Instead of getting up and posing like Ferris, like the other two "dummies" up there?
No one was doing that.
Instead, they were doing the above.

Or this:




See that couple on the right?
Behind/next to Cameron?
They cut in front of us and just started taking random pictures.
So if someone, say, wanted to take an accurate picture?
You would have gotten Hans and Priscilla in your picture as well.
Wait?
Did you hear that?
Oh that was just the sound of John Hughes rolling in his grave.


I get that people want to see the view.
And it's okay if you don't even know the movie.
No, I am sorry, that isn't okay.
IT'S ONLY BEEN 30 YEARS.
Unless you aren't from this country, then I maybe give you a pass.


Not one person in a 20 minute wait knew what was going on, knew how to pose, or was even in touch with what this exhibit meant.
I was losing faith in humanity with every person who stood on the window sill.
Until my eight year old daughter jumped up there and did this:







It was probably one of my proudest moments, I am a little ashamed to say.
With no prompting, our third grader got up there and schooled an entire room of adults.
Our Ferris Bueller lovin' girl got it right on the first try.
To which we all cheered, "now THAT is how you do it".

By the way "Sears Tower"/BFF, I am totally available for a part time gig if you want to hire me to stand by that exhibit and explain the history of this pose.
I will even show your guests how to do it.
YOU MUST STICK YOUR NOSE TO THE GLASS.
And you could pay me in John Hughes merchandise.




After the rush of the exhibit, we finished off our day at the Skydeck with DA DA DUM....

THE LEDGE.





I am not afraid.
And neither should you be.
Although I don't know if I would go out there after someone has done one of those Van Halen jumps.
Kidding.
Let me guess, you don't know what that is either?



Note- do not do that.





As brave as our third grader was to jump up and be Ferris for a few minutes, she was a little apprehensive of going out on THE LEDGE.

DA DA DUM.





I love this picture that my husband captured on his phone.
I rarely get "in the picture"and this one is perfect because LOOK THERE I AM!
And I am looking down!
I am normally afraid of heights but look at me!
I AM LOOKING DOWN!





What a great view.
In more ways than one.





On the way out of the tower, we had to make a mold of our BFF.
It's a tradition we have.

Thank you BFF, for letting us watch the world from afar for a little while.
It was such a great day spending time with these girls, pretending to be Ferris Bueller if only for a few moments, hanging out on THE LEDGE DA DA DUM!

It was nice to gain some perspective.

If you would like to visit the Skydeck Chicago, and be Ferris for the day, then head to the link for their hours, prices and a lot of cool trivia.






My family and I were provided tickets to the Skydeck Chicago. 
But I was not paid to write the above words.
My love for John Hughes is all mine. 

6.06.2016

In Ten Years


So, a couple of things have happened since my husband and I got married on May 27th, 2006.







We have seen a loved one fight cancer and win.
But we lost a really amazing grandma.
Then we gained two equally amazing new humans.
We watched family members move far, far away.
But then we got two members back again and we aren't letting them go this time.
We lost some friends.
But we gained some really kick ass new ones.
And the friends who stayed around the whole time, well they deserve an award and cake.
We've lost some jobs.
But in the process, we've gained some cool new opportunities.
We have watched our kids go through things like puberty, dating, struggles with friendships and disabilities.
We have even watched our own selves change with aging, menopause, memory issues, and struggles with our own relationship.
In the process of all of that, we in turn have fought a lot, learned to depend on each other even more, and we have become a pretty tight family.

But man, life?
It is not easy.



Don't get me wrong though, it is pretty damn good over all.
Not rainbows and unicorns every freakin' day but we are alive, have each other and at the end of the day we aren't hungry.
Sure we have had some rough times as a result of choices we have made as a couple but now looking back, I don't know if I would change most things.
Some, yes but not all.
It was as I was taking our oldest daughter's prom pictures in the backyard of our home we have lived in for the past 11 years that I had "a moment" of how lucky we really are.
The "moment" happened in our backyard where most of the pictures took place.
This yard has seen so much of our life; this house has seen so much of our children growing up; of our growing up.


The home we moved into the summer before Anna went into kindergarten.
This is the home where we hosted the pizza dinner the night before our wedding day, 10 years ago.
The home where my mom, Anna and I gave Ella her first bath in the kitchen sink when she was five days old.
The kitchen where we have done 11 plus years of homework, made Christmas cookies, had long talks about things like boys, periods and friendship.
The backyard that has seen little girls grow from running around in the playhouse in Cinderella dresses, grow into bigger little girls wearing prom dresses.
We have created this life together and here we still are.
And we are very lucky to live it.
This life we live, is really pretty surreal.
It's this big scary and at times, vomit-inducing, roller coaster.
You occasionally hear that analogy but it kind of makes sense when you think about it.


Coasting along and feeling so content one moment and then the next, you are on the hill riding up, up, up, chugging along.
It gets a little unsettling, yet it's kind of exhilarating at the same time.
Looking down and getting to see things from a different perspective.
Everything looks pretty good,  sometimes even better from up here.
Then all of a sudden you come to the crest of the hill and down the hill you go!
YOU CAN'T BREATHE!
A minute ago everything was fine, peaceful even.
But now it's dizzying and you feel like you are going to hurl.


What. Just. Happened.
AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!! 
But wait a second.
Oh yes.
This is good.
Much better.
No, wait.
Nope it's not.
Wait......
Yep, we are good again.
Then you turn the corner and see the station coming into view.
Time for another round.


I used to be the rider who would buckle my seat belt, sit in the middle row to be safe and close my eyes on this journey.
I didn't really enjoy the ride.
I only wanted to get through it and tell everyone, "I did it!"
 Just tell me when it's over please. 
But I am working on learning to enjoy that crest of the first hill, the downhill glide, the ups, the downs and the in-between's, each and every day.
I am slowly getting better at it with each life experience.
As I grow older, I am learning all too well about how fast this ride goes.
For some, the ride gets cut way too short.
Others don't even get to ride it at all.
And most get to ride over and over again.




So much more will happen in ten more years....
.















In ten more years........


Anna will graduate high school and go on to college.
On our twenty year anniversary, it is quite possible that we will be on the verge of being empty nester's.
Ella will be 18 and graduating high school and Anna will be 26 and could possibly be married and even possibly have a child.
We could be grandparents in the next ten years.
Or not.
Either way we would be very content but it is amazing when you think of change in years of ten.

In the next ten years, we will become more independent and our relationship will change as a result.
I hate tempting fate by talking about the future.
I hope we all live long, healthy lives filled with love, happiness, healthy happy children and grand babies.
I don't care if/where they go to college because I just want them to be happy.
Life is to be lived and I want them to follow their happiness, whatever that may be.

We will do more traveling, I am sure, in the next ten years.
Mostly because of the whole college/life path thing.
It is exciting to think about, really.
I used to be sad about our children growing up and out because it meant them leaving us.
But I am starting to look forward to the new beginnings and tomorrows.

I think I will move up to the front row for this next ten years.
Open my eyes, loosen the seat belt a little and scream as loud as I can.
Because this time around, I really want to enjoy the view.






5.26.2016

My Kids Will Give You A Taste Of What Reality Is Netflix #StreamTeam

I always laugh when I watch those "reality shows" on television.
When the mom takes the daughter to ballet class in her luxury SUV with the nanny in tow (off camera, of course).
The mom acts like she knows how to put the ballet outfit on her daughter.
Then the little girl has a meltdown because the mom says, "now, honey we always eat non-GMO granola green bean smoothies after yoga on the way home from ballet" because they never eat non-GMO granola green bean smoothies after yoga on the way home from ballet because the nanny totally takes her to In and Out for a big juicy burger while the mom is at spin class?
I laugh and laugh and laugh and laugh.
Then I eat another handful of Doritos and get back to the laundry at 10 at night because my nanny* is in the shop.

*I don't have a nanny 

The point is, reality isn't always what you see on the television screen but it is fun to get away from your life for a little bit.
My kids use the television for a lot of things: as a release from a long school day, to drown out the miserableness of life or to drown out their mom at times.
But mostly there is no reality check in television; unless you are watching the five o'clock news.
But thankfully Netflix doesn't air news which is why we mostly only watch our Netflix most of the time because who needs to see all of the miserableness of life every single day? 

When Netflix came to me this month asking me how my children handled certain situations, I almost laughed.
No, I did laugh because we are at the end of the school year here.
I liken it to being at the end of your prison term.
The prisoners are getting restless and feisty.
Fisticuffs are happening on a daily basis.
Once my 16 year old got out of school, the pressure came down 50% but the 8 year old still has two weeks left of her sentence so it's still a little tense around here.
The pacing, the moaning, the taunting and the clanging of metal cups on the bars is almost too much for us to bear.
And that's just us parents.






Sibling Rivalry

We haven't nailed this down yet.
When you have this figured out, come talk to me.
It happens in every family and I figure that they will either love each other when they get old or they just won't.
But we'll be dead, so we will be more concerned with other things at that point.


But watch this if you need it to be your life mission:

The Hive: Babee's Room 





Being Responsible 

This is a big one around here but again, end of the school year and we are slacking.
My teenager is learning a huge lesson with this one.
We are all about leaving certain responsibilities up to her and learning the hard way.
I have started to let go of the reigns as of late because in two short years she will be in college and she needs to learn how to do things for herself.
Beyond making ramen and turning on the television to watch One Tree Hill.

Be a better parent and start them young here:

VeggieTales In the House: Puppies and Guppies/ Sorry We're Closed Today








Following the Rules 

Don't touch the electrical sockets! Say please and thank you! Don't lick the dog!
Following the rules is something we learn from the beginning but it is hard, man.
Even as an adult, I have trouble being a rule follower.
I mean really, there is no way I am doing 35 on a country road when no one is around.
ESPECIALLY when Let's Go Crazy by Prince comes on the radio.
But you do you, uptight citizens brigade.

If you are doing 35 in a 35 and intend to raise kids who will never ever speed no matter what and plan on telling the cops where I live, please don't read my blog anymore.
Then go watch  Puffin Rock: Stormy Weather/Baba's Adventure/Rock Music. 






Loving Yourself 

I am proud to say that as of right now, both of my girls do love themselves.
A lot.
My oldest almost too much at times, which for a 16 year old is pretty damn awesome.
I know that can change at any time but for now, I am really content with the fact that they are loving themselves the way they are.
Considering the fact that I don't always love myself the way I am, I am very glad they turned out this way.
.

If you haven't evolved like my girls, maybe its time for us to watch  The Adventures of Puss In Boots: Star. 







Teamwork 


I have girls who are in sports so teamwork has been best learned on the field.
My youngest daughter is just learning teamwork the hard way this year.
In the game of soccer, it is mostly about passing.
Constantly passing the ball back and forth to your teammates.
And this year they were starting to learn to pass instead of holding on to the glory of scoring that goal for themselves.
It was also about staying at practice on a Thursday night when you are tired after school and just want to go home and watch Lab Rats.
Teamwork; your team is depending on you.
It is a hard lesson to learn especially when you have Netflix at home waiting for you.
Way. To. Be. Netflix.

Teach your kids about teamwork, AFTER practice by watching Project Mc2: Smart Is The New Cool. 








They aren't "peer pressuring" each other. That is Anna and her best friend just being them. I don't have a picture of peer pressure. Thank God.




Peer Pressure 

My 16 year old daughter makes me laugh a lot.
Especially when she uses the word peer pressure as an adjective.
"Bootsy (not her real name) was totally peer pressured to throw a party at her house last weekend".
"They went to the city alone for the night. They were peer pressured, mom. Hard times, hard times."
She is me. Only wittier because 2016 Kari/Anna needs to step up her game, DUH.
It IS hard times, people WAKE UP AND SMELL THE SMART PHONES.
Kids are under way more pressure than ever before because there is much more crap for them to be open to than we were in the 80's/90's.
I don't know about you 2000's kids. 
You were probably exposed to some weird crap too. 
So you need to talk to them earlier about everything, be an open book of information, an open door of communication.
Essentially you need to be wide open.
So turn on Netflix and watch this episode of Fuller House, The Legend of El Explosivo. 

But don't turn on Netflix all of the time because you need to keep your eyes WIDE OPEN AT ALL TIMES if you get where I am comin' from.














Social Media 

Oh social media.
The media that makes you anti-social in real life.
I said to my 16 year old daughter last week, "when you and your friends have sleepovers, do you even talk to each other? Or do you just sit on your phones next to each other and Snapchat other people?"
She of course came back with a witty retort but she did say a little later on that it was quite sad that in a room with her best friend that she really wasn't having quality alone time.
That they would sit right next to each other and text, Twitter, Snapchat and email other people.
It is a sad society that our teenagers live in, this not being present with one another.
They are more present with one another when they aren't together.


Wow, am I a poster child for social media or WHAT??
Maybe have your teens watch Girl Meets World: Girl Meets Boy, they can probably handle it better than I apparently can't.




With her trophy at the end of her first entire soccer season.






Self Improvement 

When my youngest daughter was in kindergarten, I thought it would be a great idea to enroll her in soccer.
We enrolled her before school began, unaware of how she would eventually struggle with the first two weeks of the school year, the changes that brought and the unknown to us at the time ADHD diagnosis. 
In a nutshell, soccer didn't go well but she made it through the fall season.
Over that winter she told us she didn't want to do it again that spring when it would continue on with her team the following April.
We didn't push her even though some would say to do so; she was just diagnosed and it just felt like she had been through enough that year.
When during the summer of second grade she came to us and said she wanted to try soccer again, we were apprehensive.
But she seemed determined to give it another go, so we signed her up and her dad even signed up to be the coach.
We were all in but told her that this time around she had to do both seasons and no going back like last time.
She had difficult moments this year, but she had amazing ones as well.
Scoring several goals, learning how to do throw ins, passing, patting her teammates on the back when they did a great job, being a good sport, learning about being a part of something that isn't just about you.
Self-improvement.
Something we deal with every day, every week, every month, every year.
On the field and off of the field as well.
Yes, we know a lot about self-improvement in our home.
A hell of a lot.
So thank you Netflix. but I think we got this one.















5.16.2016

The Bench






Ten years ago this month, my daughter and I got married to my husband in a barn.
I have talked about it here before.
I am not going to re-write that post because I really love it and that isn't what this post is about.
As I said, it was held in a historic barn from the 1800's that was moved down the road to the site where it sits presently and on the day we got married in 2006.


I spy a bench. 



The barn isn't that particularly nice to look at from the outside as far as barns go.
I mean it isn't ugly but I have seen really charming barns in my day and this one isn't one of them.
The above was taken at a really flattering angle, as to make it look a lot better than it does in real life.
Kind of like pictures of me.
I can relate to this barn, completely.
Okay to look at on the outside but on the inside, it is pretty awesome.
It was the inside of this barn that hooked us.








An amazing silo that you could look up into while standing at the bar.





Creaky wood floors that were perfectly imperfect.

You can't recreate stuff like that in a plain beige reception hall that serves veal for 85 people.
We knew right away that this was the place and booked it immediately.



Our wedding day came and was perfect in every way.
I know everyone says that, but it really was.
Perfect for us.
We had our family and loved ones surrounding us in this barn with candlelight, music and laughter.
It was a magical night.
So magical that you could hear many a slurred sentence echoed in the barn parking lot of "you two totally need to do thissss next year!" and "YESSSS MIKE AND KARI NEEDSSSS TO GET MARRIED EVERY MAY!!!


It was as we were blowing out the candles, loading up the boxes of decorations and picking the bobby pins out of my hair, that my brother witnessed something very sinister going on in the parking lot.
A kidnapping of sorts.
Two of our dear friends were stealing a wooden bench that had previously sat right in front of the barn.
Why, you may ask?
WHY THE HELL NOT?
See, this is what happens kids, when you drink alcohol: you do stupid shit.

*Like fart in front of a lighter to see it turn blue or eat Taco Bell at 2 a.m. because four Taco Supremes sounds like a great idea in the middle of the night or steal furniture at a wedding reception because it's sitting there all innocent like, and most likely it pissed you off because it tripped you.
And now the bench must pay. 
Allegedly. 


*some of the above may or may not have been done by the author at one time or another while inebriated. 


It was the following day, somewhere in between the breakfast present opening and the afternoon BBQ/video presentation that my brother casually mentioned to us something to the effect of, oh by the way, did you know that Tim and Ed* stole one of the benches out in front of the barn?  *names changed to protect the guilty

Now, there have been a lot of changes in the past ten years but the one thing that hasn't changed is my paranoia.
I freaked the crap out, as one would guess.


OMG ARE YOU KIDDING ME??
THEY ARE GONNA CHARGE US FOR THAT BENCH, I JUST KNOW IT!
MIKE, DO WE KNOW HOW MUCH THOSE BENCHES EVEN COST??
AWW MAN, THAT IS JUST WHAT WE NEED.
TO PAY FOR A BENCH WE DON'T EVEN GET TO SIT ON.


Once they calmed me down, I rationalized that it happened so late at night, most likely no one related to the barn police would have seen the incident occur.
In hindsight, I don't think there is such thing as barn police but "freak the crap out me" could rationalize that point. I am good like that. 
We waited for the final bill from the barn and no bench removal fee was on there.
We said nothing, paid our bill and went on with our lives.
Looking back,  I did regret not saying anything but hey, we didn't take it!
We had accidentally left our flower arch there that was bought for our nuptials and that Rebecca and I painstakingly worked on for an entire Saturday before the big day.
I felt like it was an even swap because in all honesty, that bench was really ugly.
The barn people were probably even happy it was gone.



Normally relegated to the basement, we brought it to the living room only to get a better picture because the lighting in the basement sucks. 


The good-natured taunting started the following Christmas when we received a card from the family who were the proud new owners of the bench.
They signed their names and under their names, it simply said .........and the bench. 
We laughed and laughed and laughed.
Until we didn't.
Wait a second.
We should be the owners of that bench!
That is our marital bench!
That bench must be ours!
GET US THAT BENCH!

A few months later, my brother, his wife, my husband and I were out to dinner celebrating my birthday.
It was over a few birthday drinks that we came up with a plan that evening to avenge BenchGate 2006.
We were going to get the bench back!
That night!


The four of us drove my brother's pick up truck to the bench owner's house and stole "our" bench right off their front porch that night under cloak of darkness.
We laughed and screamed, "WE GOT THE BENCH BACK" as we drove down the streets of their neighborhood with our fists in the air.
What a rush that was!
I finally understood why they stole it in the first place and started to worry if a life of petty crime was in my future.


That evening began a several year tradition of "stealing the bench" that went back and forth for three or four years between my husband, myself and the bench owners.
One year, Mike and I stole the bench back while they were having a huge neighborhood backyard party.
We casually walked in and started mingling and even had them make us drinks.
Everyone was either completely bombed or oblivious because the two of us were hysterically laughing and carrying this big bench while running through several yards with it.
Nothing to see here! Just getting our bench back! You wouldn't understand! 



The tradition ended a few years ago when we finally put the bench in the basement.
I feel a little sad that we ended the tradition by unfairly putting it somewhere they couldn't have taken it.
It was really fun, the whole back and forth.
The waking up in the morning and saying, crap, "MIKE THEY GOT THE BENCH".
"AGAIN". 
Everyone in our lives was getting a kick out of the bench shenanigans including our children.
We were teaching them all about thievery and sneaky tactics at a young age.
It was quite a proud moment for us.


Maybe we will put the bench in the backyard tonight for old times sake.
And maybe we will even leave the gate open too.
Just kidding.
There is no way in hell they are getting that bench back.















5.10.2016

Go Roma and Don't Stay Homa!


Last spring, I was approached by Go Roma to come on down to their cool restaurant and I shared it with you here
You all know me and food, we go wayyy back.
So when anyone approaches me with free food? 
I am alllll in.
If this screenplay goes anywhere, they honestly don't even need to pay me in anything other than food gift cards. 
I'm kidding obviously because I will need $$ to pay for my Weight Watchers membership.
#DUH

When they contacted me again this year to see if I would be interested in returning for more food and this time it included dessert? 
It was like they had heard the screenplay conversation I had with myself.
Whoa. 
Maybe I should start talking to myself more often!

So my friend Rebecca and I went to the Glenview Go Roma to eat their anniversary pasta in honor of the one year anniversary of their opening.
OR of the one year anniversary of me going to the restaurant.
I chose to believe it was the latter. 
We met the friendly manager, Josh there; he was very nice and he even talked with us for a long time.
Probably because it was my anniversary and all, hello.






They gave us both lunch AND dessert! 
Which made us say things out loud like: this is way too much!!
NOOO we couldn't possibly eat all of this! 
That is polite talk saved for people we don't know.

Then we ate all of it because please, we aren't amateurs.
But stand back if you don't want your hand to get eaten off. 





Their anniversary pasta is Parmesan Crusted Chicken made with rigatoni in this heavenly sauce.
Josh said their bread is even made at a local bakery and everything else they make on site, nothing is microwaved or heated. 
It's all cooked or baked right there at the restaurant.
So kind of like a fancy Italian place only in fast food form.
But man, that sauce is heavenly.
So heavenly that I bet there are nuns back in that kitchen making the sauce daily. *


*no there aren't




By the way, I took that above picture with my phone.
I really need you to ooh and ahh for a moment because I am pretty damn proud of that one. 
Take all the time you need.




That dessert is worth the drive to a Go Roma restaurant. 
Seriously. 
I mean, so is that pasta but DESSERT. 
Wait, here is an even better picture: 




This is what my husband would call "happy plate". 
We made "happy plate" at Go Roma this day. 
Then snuck out as not to be embarrassed at the mass quantities of food we ate.
HELL NOOO.
We were proud.
We might have even gotten ice cream on the way home. 
Told you, no amateur hour here. 

Go Roma is always looking out for us and they have your back yet again.
You have a chance to get yourself some of that dessert! 
OR that pasta! 
They are giving one lucky winner a $25 gift card! 
The giveaway ends May 17th so enter today. 

















Now through mid-June, you can head to Go Roma and party like it's your Anniversary!
Their anniversary pasta is only $9.49 at the Glenview, Bolingbrook and Northbrook locations. 
Head on in and tell them the anniversary girl sent you.
The one who can eat the pasta and dessert in one sitting.
They'll know me. 
No they won't.
But still go.
Because DESSERT. 

5.02.2016

Titles Don't Come Easy You Know

I fear I am at the end of writing this blog.
Maybe it is God gently telling me, it is time Kari. 
Not that time! 

Time to stop blogging!
I sat at my computer for a solid ten minutes trying to think of a title for this blog post.
That up there is the best that I could think of.
Oh sure, I could have titled this post Miscellaneous or ETC. or Things that Come into My Brain Randomly.
But you expect more from me, don't you?
I would expect that from a beginning blogger but not from someone entering their seventh year in blogging.
This post is about random crap I am dealing with right now in my life and that was the best title I could come up with.
The alternate title was Screw It, I Am Eating Tater Tots. 
Which might also double as the title of my autobiography.



courtesy of Pinterest 


My blog is being an a#$hole.
My Google based blog currently isn't working in my Google Chrome browser.
That's right folks, you are hearing it here first with full honesty: I cannot see my previews any more on my GOOGLE owned blog in GOOGLE Chrome because apparently GOOGLE doesn't like GOOGLE.
I have to jump over to a FIREFOX browser to preview my GOOGLE owned blog in order to see/edit my blog before publishing it.
So thank you FIREFOX for being there for me when GOOGLE drops the ball.
Guess who has been pricing migration's to WORD PRESS this past week?


courtesy of Pinterest


Mike and I were watching The Breakfast Club (no we aren't John Hughes stalkers, yes we have a life, it was on the Sundance Channel as we were channel surfing) on Saturday night and it was as I was listening to the dialogue that I had a real moment.
I started thinking of how many words were in that screenplay.
I all of a sudden felt all screenwriterly and sh$%.

Then I ran and got my iPad and Bing'ed (I am mad at Google because of the above and Bing'ed just doesn't have the same effect does it? Bing'ed sounds like another word for sex) "how many words were in The Breakfast Club screenplay" which came up lots of results for the news that they found the original Breakfast Club script in the high school in suburban Chicago which STILL shocks and confuses me.


So then I happened to Google (dammit, I can't break up with you! Somebody create a better search engine and Bing isn't the answer) "how to write a screenplay for idiots" and I found a Wiki screenplay tutorial on how to do just that, that was amazing.
It was like I was taking a screenwriting class in my family room, while The Breakfast Club was playing in the background.
Essentially my wet dream.
If I were a guy.
Mr. Hughes would be so proud.


You think I am nuts now, don't you?
Well that will lead nicely into the next topic.



Courtesy of Pinterest 


Menopause is kicking me in the nuts.
I don't actually have nuts but I feel like I might have nuts soon because menopause. 
Man, this is hard, like really hard.
I hate all the women who have LIED to us before.
NO ONE TELLS YOU HOW AWFUL MENOPAUSE IS.
Or how long it lasts.
It lasts forever.
And ever.
You think childbirth was hard.
YOU HAVE NO CLUE.
At least with childbirth, you have a child at the end.
With menopause, you get a hairy chin and you are a complete and utter a#$hole.


courtesy of Pinterest 


I hate people more now than ever because of above.
Not bubbles.
FOCUS, MAN, FOCUS!
Menopause!
I do. I do. I do.
It sucks the life out of you. It makes you sob at a stoplight when a Dionne Warwick song comes on the radio.
But don't f#$% with me or I will cut a b$^%.
See?
A#$hole.


courtesy of Pinterest 




I miss bloggers. Where in the hell did they all go?
Like someone farted at a party and completely cleared the entire room.
Then you look around and you are one of like, three left.
And everyone is looking around and you are like, IT WASN'T ME, I SWEAR!
That is how I feel in the world of blogging right now.
Except there are a shit ton of those DIY/Recipe/Lifestyle bloggers.
They will survive a nuclear bomb, I am sure of it.



courtesy of Pinterest 



I am trying to renovate myself. Is that even possible? I am trying to become a better person.
That will, of course, have to happen after menopause because there is no way I can be a nice person now.

courtesy of Pinterest 



I got fat this winter.
So this is what happened.
I started taking Topomax last year for my migraines.
Topomax has a side effect of weight loss. WEEEE.
Sooo, I lost some weight in the beginning. Then not too long after, I got the stomach flu. So then I was really thin.
Fitting into my skinny clothes. Then I noticed, I could eat anything I wanted and didn't have to try because Topomax. WEEEE.
Slowly, I started having some side effects with the medication.
So the doctor had to lower my dosage.
But I was still eating anything I wanted because I was on my Topomax high. WEEEE.
Only, what I wasn't aware of was that once you lower your dosage, you also lower your chances of losing weight.
DOHHHHHH.
So all the while I am eating away. WEEEE.
And the LBS. are going UP UP UP.
It was around February that I noticed my skinny clothes weren't fitting anymore and I needed to move up a size.
Or two.
Aww snap.
Only my jeans weren't saying Aww snap.
So back to the gym and watching what I am eating.
ALL DURING MENOPAUSE.
It's not fun to watch what you eat during menopause, by the way.
I might have almost cut a b$^% for running on my treadmill.
And I don't even have a specific treadmill.
SEE?
A#$hole.










courtesy of Pinterest


Prince died.
While I am going through menopause.

Cool side note: my eight year daughter, Ellie is just cool.
Well, both of my daughters are just the coolest people I have ever met, but that goes without saying.
Anyway, the day that he died, Ella was devastated.
Seriously devastated.
Because recently she had watched some snippets of Purple Rain (parts that were PG) and knew some of his music because her mama is raisin' her right.
Two cool things happened this weekend: we were on our way home from dropping off Annie at the high school and Purple Rain came on the radio.
She sang along with me.
YES SHE DID.
Purple rain, purple rainnnnnnnn. 
I wanted to cry. Right there in the car.
BECAUSE MENOPAUSE. 
She said, "I only know the words Purple rain, mom but I will sing those" and I said, "Prince would love that, I know he would".
Second thing: we have a dove living in our garage as of this weekend.
STOP IT.
I. kid. you. not.
I think we will name him Prince.



courtesy of Pinterest




One Sunday, I was editing one of my old posts because I spotted a grammar error.
I am anal retentive like that. 
Then I fell down the rabbit hole of blog posts and started reading my old posts.
Post after post. And you know what I realized?
I was funny. I was really funny.
Now I get what some of you were saying when you would message me and say, "wow, I never realized you were so funny!".
Yeah, I finally get it. But now?
 I am not so funny.
Oh sure, I have funny moments here and there but my creative juices aren't-a- flowin' like they were in the olden days.
Then I had a moment of "what if I hit my peak already?".
And what if all of my creativity is being used for a screenplay that will never be seen because I don't have sex with people in Hollywood or I don't know Tina Fey or I don't take prescription pain pills?
WHAT IF I AM WASHED UP??
What if I never have a funny thought as long as I live?
Holy crap, this must be what Kim Kardashian feels like.
God help that girl when she goes through menopause.
Although that bi$% will probably hire someone to go through menopause for her.




Then this morning, I open the box of Trix to find this:





Do you notice anything missing?
Oh I do.
Color.
Chemical shitstorm color.
Then I look at the box.
NO COLORS FROM ARTIFICIAL SOURCES.
Super. The crunchy people got to THEM too.
Dammit.
WHY CAN'T THEY LEAVE MY CHILDHOOD ALONE??????


Bring back the chemical shit storm green Trix balls, please?
And my personality?
And my skinny jeans?
And Prince?
And since we are bringing stuff back, can you bring all those bloggers too?
But only the ones who are nice because I will cut a bi$% if they aren't.





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