I have a sister dog.
Kind of like a sister wife.
Only not at all like a sister wife.
She is my parents’ dog and I love her as if she was a human sister.
Maybe even more.
Because I never had to share clothes or shoes or fight with her over boyfriends.
She has been in our lives for nine years now and she is a huge part of the family.
When Dyson recently contacted me to send me the V6 slim that is available exclusively at Walmart, my sister dog and I were excited.
Well because she happened to be visiting when we got the news!
And if you happen to know anything about dogs, well, they are the reason vacuum cleaners were invented in the first place.
Kids are the second reason.
And the third, fourth, fifth, and sixth.
You heard it here first when Dyson first de-virginized me.
Oh come on, I think we are all adults here and I was a Dyson virgin.
I just used the words de-virginized and virgin in a sponsored post.
I don’t think de-virginized is even a word.
I wonder if this is how Martha Stewart got her start?
I hope my sister dog is covering her ears.
TINK PUT YOUR PAWS UP!
Then when I got the big vacuum, I talked a lot about sucking.
WHO KNEW VACUUMING COULD BE SO DARN DIRTY?
Figuratively, that is.
WHO KNEW MY CARPETS COULD BE SO DARN DIRTY?
Literally, that is.
When the package from Dyson arrived a few days later, Tink and I were stoked!
No, really, she was excited too.
You should hear how excited she gets when the UPS truck comes.
Please excuse the jammies but I don’t get packages very often so I was really excited.
Notice my helper?
Dogs LOVE to put vacuum cleaners together!
It’s what they are put on this Earth to do!
And the Dyson is so easy, even a dog can do it!
“Hmmm, why is it so dark down there?”
“Does this come with a chew bone?”
“Why am I talking to a box?”
“This blonde lady thinks this is cutesy but I can totally put this thing together, in my former life I was an electrical engineer for NASA”.
“WHO DOES SHE THINK I AM AN IDIOT?”
“OOOH BEGGIN’ STRIPS!!!!! ”
I should say I got the parts out of the box, Tink sniffed the parts and my dad put the Dyson together.
Once I started using it, I, dare I say, loved it more than the last Dyson I had.
Lighter weight, easier to use and easier to carry around, this one is just a little shorter in length than the older model so I am able to get under beds and furniture much easier.
I was hoping this was a little stronger so it would suck the red off my ugly blood red couch.
Still red and ugly.
Dyson, work on a vacuum that can do THAT.
I was very busy with my vacuum, sucking the living heck out of surfaces left and right all over my house.
One thing about the Dyson is that it has no idea what it is in for when it enters my home.
Normal homes get little vacuuming’s here and there and then shoved in a corner for the next cleaning.
Mine gets an extravaganza of such epic proportions that I can only imagine if a vacuum had a brain, it would will itself a hobo knapsack and a thumb to hitchhike itself back to where it came from.
For example, after a hard morning of working, do you pose your vacuum for a photo shoot?
Glamour shot style?
In a filter?
Oh, sexy vacuummmmmm.
That’s what I get for propping it up.
See, this is what you need to know about the Dyson.
It comes with a wall mount.
So as not to prop like an amateur.
BUT THEN YOU CAN’T HAVE AN IMPROMPTU GLAMOUR PHOTO SHOOT!
No dogs were harmed in the making of this blog post.
Pic Monkey is a wonderful thing.
By the way, when I was starting to write this post, I did have help:
It is exhausting being an electrical engineer.
Disclaimer: I was sent a vacuum by the fine people over at the Dyson corporation.
I was not compensated to say the words above but rather they are my own words.
Yes, sadly, the wonderful employees at Dyson are shaking their heads right now.
But they come back for more because I am like one of those really annoying monkeys with the clanging cymbals you buy at the roadside souvenir stores.
You don’t want to admit you like them but deep down, you just can’t walk away.
That’s what I am to Dyson.
A monkey with cymbals.
CLANG CLANG CLANG.