My Childhood Is Slipping Away As Evidenced by My Incapability Of Saving a Post

A few weeks ago, I began writing an amazing post about growing up in the 70’s full of anecdotes, trivia and just FUN but I lost all of it.

After consulting my friend Rosemary with back and forth exchanges full of WHAT THE HELL DID I DO’S?? and whimsical giphy’s (because giphy’s are whimsical!), it was decided that my post was gone.

 

Courtesy of Giphy

In the graveyard.

Of my mind.

There are a lot of old bones in that graveyard and apparently none of it holds memory of old posts, mental checklists of grocery items that I need when my list is sitting on the counter at home, but always, ALWAYS holds annoying songs from my past including but not limited to:

  • Who Let The Dogs Out? Who? Who? Who? WHO?
  • Barbie Girl. IN A BARBIE WORLLLLDD.
  • Build Me Up Buttercup…don’t break my hearttttt
  • the theme song to the television show Knight Rider

So here is what I can remember from the mid-late 70’s through the early 80’s. AKA my childhood AKA the olden days AKA I need to write this shit down or I won’t even remember being a child.

 

Nothing takes me back to the 70’s like the smell of new carpet. That’s because carpet was to the 70’s what hardwood is to now. Carpet was good, carpet was soft, carpet was comforting. Now, all you see when couples are house hunting on the irrepressible House Hunters is:

OH MY GOD IS THAT CARPET? ICK.

I hope like HELL there is hardwood under that carpet.

Great Linda, another house with carpet. CAN WE GET ANOTHER REALTOR??

My knees were scraped, bruised and banged up for most of the 70’s and into the early 80’s with carpet all over our floors. I can’t imagine how bad I would have looked if we had hard wood death floors all over our home.


In 1977, I desperately wanted my parents to buy us a Chevrolet Vega. While my friends were plotting ways to get purple Kool Aid served at lunch, I would sit on our backyard metal swing set and plot ways to get my Vega.

 

Image result for 1977 chevrolet vega

Courtesy of Wikimedia Commons

 

When it wasn’t an Oldsmobile Cutlass Supreme.

Image result for cutlass supreme

Courtesy of Wikimedia Commons

I mean COME ON, what seven-year old wouldn’t want that beaut sitting in their driveway? To a child whose dream it was to be the fourth Charlie’s Angel, this was way cooler than the car that was actually sitting in my driveway:

Image result for ford granada

Courtesy of Wikimedia Commons

And of course ours didn’t have racing stripes or flames.


 

Between my brother and I, we had amassed one summer a collection of plastic sports helmets that would impress the football hall of fame. But not actual size helmets see, miniature plastic helmets that replicated the larger ones worn on the heads of NFL superstars at the time.

This you need to know about me: I never loved professional football more than in the mid to late 70’s and I have no idea why.

Maybe it was the thrill of the catch finding a new to me football helmet in a gum ball machine at the restaurants that we would stop into after church on Sundays.

Maybe it was because I was what they used to call a “tomboy” and wanted to be “one of the guys”.

Maybe it was because I needed a reason to wrestle my little brother to the ground.

All I know is that I knew every single NFL team logo from the 70’s like I was getting paid to do it.

To this day, I still say to my husband “wait, Houston isn’t the Oiler’s any more?”

 


 

Grease the movie had just come out the summer of my eighth year of life but it didn’t take on a life of its own in my neighborhood until around 1980-81. That’s the summer that Grease was LIVE in Bennington Heights daily from the hours of 10 am until dusk.  I wrote about how I still hold a grudge that I never got to play Sandy, WHICH DUH, I AM THE OBVIOUS CHOICE, here. I won’t suck you into neighborhood politics.

But I was robbed.

That’s all I will say.

 

Courtesy of Giphy


Speaking of Grease,  I wanted to be Olivia Newton John from 1978 until 1981. That is until I learned that she sang the song Please Mr Please, then no.

Also, now you can’t get the song Please Mr. Please out of your head.

Don’t play B-17.

It was our song, it was his song.

But now it’s over.

Like my love affair with Olivia Newton John.

Courtesy of Giphy


 

 

 

Image result for kiss rock band

Courtesy of Wikimedia Commons

 

I wrote about KISS here, so I won’t go into any more detail other than to inform you that between the years 1977-1978, I wanted to be or marry Peter Criss. More be than marry.


If you didn’t eat shrimp dip in the 70’s, you get the chance now.

 

This simple to make Shrimp Dip will be the hit of the party!


 

 

Image result for saturday night fever

Courtesy of Wikimedia Commons

In 1977, our family moved back to Ohio (where I was born and lived my first two years of life) from the Chicago suburbs. I vaguely remember that there was a farewell party the night before at a neighbors house where the kids were yet again shoved in the upstairs bedroom (see post here) so the adults could drink, eat shrimp dip and say words like SHIT and DAMN. (again, could be a sweeping generalization) How do I know this? Because someone had the brilliant idea to audio tape said fete as a memento of my parents wild and crazy lives in Illinois.

Wanna know the soundtrack of choice for the evening?

The Saturday Night Fever album.

To this day, when I hear A Fifth of Beethoven, I am instantly sitting in our little red Granada chugging down the Indiana Tollway to our future home in Ohio.

If I Can’t Have You sung by Yvonne Elliman transports me back to a simpler time of tape recorders, car fumes and transgressions from the night before.

Ah the memories of hearing my old neighbor say AW SHIT after dropping his third screwdriver (probably) all over his polyester leisure pants (definitely).

By the way, have you ever actually read the lyrics to More than a Woman by the Bee Gees?

 

Girl, I’ve known you very well
I’ve seen you growing every day
I never really looked before
But now you take my breath away

 

Seen you growing every day??

Man, I miss the 70’s.

PS- my brother and I thought for years that it was Bald Headed Woman.

PPS- parents shoving kids in the upstairs bedroom and plying them with junk food because having parties with kids present wasn’t cool should become a thing again.


 

I need you to watch the above video. I’ll wait.

First, the guy that wants to “liven up the party” is Nat (before he became Nat) from Beverly Hills 90210.

Second, obviously Mr. Microphone was developed by a person with no kids.

Third, this was the best invention known to man.

Because when you are eight years old, this is the perfect platform to make your insignificant voice known.

HEY MOM, I’M TAKING A POOP IN THE DOWNSTAIRS BATHROOM!

CAN YOU PLEASE GIVE ME SOME TOILET PAPER?

OH NO! I THINK I CLOGGED THE TOILET.

AGAIN.

AW COOL! MOM COME HERE! MY POOP IS SHAPED LIKE A BOWLING PIN!

 

Good times.

 


Shoes: Clogs made by Dr Scholls (1969)

Courtesy of Flickr

See those shoes up there? A little known fact is that they were also used to torture soldiers on remote islands in the 70’s and 80’s.

Dr. Scholl’s were all the rage, you had to have them and if you didn’t get hit in the head with one at some point, you weren’t really alive in the 70’s. I remember clanking around on a family day trip in these shoes and my toes kept lurching forward and scraping the pavement, resulting in little hematomas on each one of my toes.

Do I remember the memories we were making as a family that day?

Hell no.

But I remember how my shoes made me feel and that’s all that really matters, isn’t it?

Also, these shoes are now “back” and are running 75 dollars and up on Etsy.

RESIST THE URGE.


Stretch Armstrong

Courtesy of Flickr

Did you ever rip Stretch Armstrong’s arms off so that you could see the jelly inside that made him stretch to begin with??

You didn’t?

Oh.

Never mind.

MOVING ON.


 

 

 

Image result for jaws

Courtesy of Wikimedia Commons

The movie Jaws made me never want to go into a body of water (besides my local pool) ever again in the late 70s.

It also provided my first ever movie nude scene because we had a free month of HBO.

That and horny pre-pubecent boy neighbors who stayed up late to watch it and told every gory detail. So of course I needed to see for myself because I have been a fact checker since way back.


 

This post could also be titled:

When I liked Star Wars

Image result for star wars

Courtesy of Wikipedia

Guess what? I am an “OG” as they say when it comes to Star Wars movies, trivia, memorabilia and the like.

You’re feeling like you kind of don’t know who I am now, am I right?

It’s okay, I don’t remember much about Star Wars or the sequels or prequels or whatever you nerds are calling them now.

All I remember is wanting to marry Mark Hamill (get in line Peter Criss), thinking Chewbacca would make a great house pet and sitting on my neighbors porch bitch slapping two boys over a very valuable and very rare Princess Leia figurine.

I bet those things would be worth a fortune now.

But then I wouldn’t be writing this blog.

See? Aren’t you glad I don’t like Star Wars any more?


16 thoughts on “My Childhood Is Slipping Away As Evidenced by My Incapability Of Saving a Post

  1. Amy

    So many fantastic things in here! I never had a Mr Microphone and now I feel incomplete. I’ll go make myself some shrimp dip to feel better (I love that you still write about shrimp dip…don’t ever stop).

  2. Rita

    I love you for writing this post. It made me happy-sad, both at once. And I wish I could attach some of my own photos. Google famolares. Those were my iconic 70s shoes. And some day, I must send you a photo of my first communion, in which my dress was not a faux-bride dress with tulle and sheer fabric and a ribbon sash like all the other girls wore. No, it was a white smock that my mother found in the teen-age girl section the day before that had a huge, red, applique strawberry on the front of it, a garment that my mother assured me looked just like a dress. So much 70s all over that little anecdote, right there.

    1. Kari Post author

      Okay so I googled famolares and every shoe I had ever seen, worn or coveted in the 70’s appeared before my eyes!
      GOOGLE IS A GLORIOUS THING.

  3. Andrea

    Girlfriend! Write a book, so I can read it! (In case you just thought I wanted to get craft and use it to press fliers.) I think I can still feel the pain of landing on the edge of a dr. scholls while walking while screaming at my young self to stop running in those things!
    Andrea recently posted…Happy Mother’s Day!My Profile

    1. Kari Post author

      I will tell my Dr. Scholl’s story to every person I see wearing their 75 dollar shoes this summer.
      Maybe one will be my future publisher.

  4. Melanie

    OMG, I love this post! So many great memories of the 70’s. I had a KISS poster in my bedroom that was about 4 ft tall. My toddler cousin (who is now 40 and *loves* KISS) used to come in my room, see the poster, and scream his head off and bolt out of the room.

    I’m going to have all those crazy songs in my head now all day, especially the Bee Gees. Maybe I can ask them to play Stayin’ Alive at physical therapy today, huh?

  5. Rebecca Biscocho

    I saw the Dr Scholl’s at DSW last week and tried them on. We had similar shoes back home back in the day but we used them whenever we did outside chores.
    This post reminded me of a photograph of myself wearing a very fitted ribbed shirt that was barely holding in my belly hahaha. And bell bottoms of course. In my defense I was 7 or 8.

  6. Tammi

    I am laughing so hard! The 70’s were the best. Seriously, knee high tube socks and shorts – that’s what came to my mind while reading your post. That was a thing. And it was wrong. So wrong! I also remember the Gremlin car my grandma drove. I thought it was so weird looking – and it was. But, it was a great time to grow up! Thanks for a really fun look back.

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