Where Are They Now? 80’s Movie Edition Sponsored by G.H. Cretors Popcorn

To be clear, my rep over at G.H. Cretors had no clue how this post was gonna spin. But I knew exactly how I was going to turn an average giveaway into something more special.

Much more special indeed.

I was watching Dirty Dancing with Ella the other evening and it got me to thinking: what the hell happened to Baby and Johnny? After the closing credits, don’t you ever wonder what happens to your beloved characters? Do they end up going to prom together? Did they go to college and get married? Did they buy Kellerman’s and turn it into a dance club??

Yes I know “they” aren’t  “real”. Duh.

Are the realists gone?

So, seriously what happened??

Get comfy on your couch, grab a bag of popcorn and read my theories.

Don’t have any popcorn? I’ve got you covered at the end of the post.

 

Baby Houseman didn’t end up attending Mt. Holyoke in the fall but rather graduated high school then dropped a bombshell on the p’s that she was instead, going to save money in upstate New York and not save human lives in the Peace Corps.

She ran back to the Catskills and became a dance instructor alongside her hunk of man, Johnny Castle.

They were desperate for help.

Baby and Johnny eventually buy out Mr. Kellerman as he goes broke due to a fallout with some elaborate nursing home bilking scheme (see Say Anything) and sells his resort for “peanuts, PEANUTS I SAY” to Baby Houseman after she ran to her daddy and told him she needed money.

Yet again.

Baby becomes Mrs. Johnny Castle after it is learned that she is pregnant but during a routine blood draw, Johnny learns that the baby isn’t his but rather his cousin Billy’s.

After a long drawn out story that Billy and Baby (it just sounds right, doesn’t it?) conceived (too soon?) about her swallowing a watermelon seed (I went there), they convince Johnny (because pretty to look at) that it must be a mistake.

Johnny spends the rest of his years raising Baby and Billy’s baby, thinking it’s his.

And the kicker? The kid can’t dance.

Iona and Andie get a funky apartment together and open an ugly dress (face it, the dress was ugly) shop in the heart of downtown Kenosha (rent is high in Chicago, okay?) Wisconsin.

Duckie ends up marrying the chick at the end of the film (Buffy the Vampire Slayer) and they move to California so she can become an actress and so he can live off of her money.

No one has heard from Blaine ever again because let’s be honest, he’s kind of forgettable.

Don’t blame me, I didn’t cast this movie.

 

 

*Some of these ideas are in my screenplay. Don’t steal them. Unless you make it into a movie or play. Then go ahead. *

John Bender (the rebel)- sells used cars in Joliet, Illinois. If you need a low rate on a low rate car, call John. He can BEND the rules for you. Get it?

Allison Reynolds (the recluse)- owns a cat farm in rural Kansas. Which is nothing like a cathouse.

Claire Standish (the beauty)- works at a spa in Los Angeles where she has formulated a lip application technique that she is patenting called Tit Lips. (You’re wishing you came up with this first, aren’t you?)

Brian Johnson (the brain)- invested (unwisely) in Olestra in the 90’s. He had no idea that it would give so many people the shits. He now works at In and Out Burger outside of Santa Barbara but his real passion are his trained hamsters.

Andrew Clark (the jock)- is a ballerina with the California Ballet Company. He wears tights. (the required uniform)

Carl Reed (the janitor)- Created the Iphone. (Just go with it)

Richard Vernon (the teacher)- Sadly, he died in 2006. At a Barry Manilow concert.

None of the above have seen each other since high school but I plan to remedy this with a trip cross country in a packed minivan. Someone please make my movie a reality.

In a surprising twist, Diane is wearing an ankle bracelet (and not the cool 80’s kind) because it was found out that she set her dad up with the nursing home money bilking! She wanted to be alone with Lloyd so badly that she made the aforementioned bilking look like her father’s idea. He took the fall because he was kind of a piece of shit too and also he wanted to protect his daughter.

Lloyd doesn’t have time for all of these shenanigans so he left London for Amsterdam to work on his kick boxing. Until he got kicked in the nuts and broke his left testicle (yes it’s a thing) in Brussels and decided he didn’t want to be a kick boxer anymore. So he returned to Seattle where he is now working at the Potbelly on 4th Avenue. He makes a mean prosciutto and avocado on wheat.

Samantha and Jake end up going to prom but she gets knocked up on prom night and they break up because Jake Ryan isn’t equipped to deal with hard life issues.

He retreats to the woods in Pennsylvania to make cabinets and shit.

Samantha gives the baby to her big sister and her bohunk husband, who surprisingly turn out to be great parents, as she is the lead singer in the punk rock band Oh Sexy Girlfriend but is the kick assiest “aunt” ever.

 

Ferris Bueller didn’t go to college after high school because he got a taste of a summer off. It was as he was taking his gap year in college that he stumbled into an Apple store in 1997 where he eventually became a sales rep. But not before investing 50 dollars in that same company on a whim. He is now a billionaire who takes every day off.

Sloane Peterson works at Wilson’s Leather Store in the North Riverside Park Mall just outside of Chicago and has two shih tzu’s named Jennifer (Grey) and Charlie (Sheen).

Cameron Frye works as a psychoanalyst but with his self diagnosed OCD and hypochondriac tendencies, he is unable to practice regularly especially as he can’t leave his three bedroom condo in Portland.

 

 

Thank you to G.H. Cretors for helping me destroy beloved teenage movies from the 80’s!

And to thank you for sitting through this post, the lovely people over at G.H. Cretors want to send you two bags of their delicious popcorn!

A bag of their Chicago Mix which is now known as “the mix” which is not to be confused with “101.9 The Mix”.

Only locals will get that.

 

The mix

 

They are also giving a bag of their Just the Cheese popcorn as well.

 

Just the Cheese Corn

The lucky winner will receive both bags just for reading my post.

Make sure you enter through the Rafflecopter app below as well as commenting below to qualify.

No liking 15 pages or mailing me your first born or getting a tattoo of my blog name on your ass.

But if you want to jump through those hoops, by all means don’t let me stop you.

 

a Rafflecopter giveaway

18 thoughts on “Where Are They Now? 80’s Movie Edition Sponsored by G.H. Cretors Popcorn

  1. Rebecca

    These are sequels just waiting to be written and produced!
    Does anybody know what happened to the actor who played Jake in Sixteen Candles? I wouldn’t be surprised if he retreated to the woods and started making cabinets etc. He looks like someone who would do that!
    Rebecca recently posted…Random ArtworkMy Profile

  2. Tim

    I read that GH Cretor actually invented the popcorn popper, which may or may not be accurate.

    The guy who played Cameron is Ferris Bueller was in a commercial recently, but I can’t remember what it was for. The guy who played the principal was arrested several years ago for child porn.

    1. Kari Post author

      I think I read that too!

      It was for Domino’s Pizza because I am that much of a John Hughes nerd.

      I know and every time I watch Ferris Bueller, it’s like EWWWW.

  3. Margot C

    Baby Houseman, one of the greatest movie characters of all time, I think so! As for this popcorn, I’ve never had it but it looks so great!

    1. Kari Post author

      That actually sounds like a wonderful idea but in researching some of the best 80’s movies, there are many I haven’t seen.
      Looks like I need to do some more “research”. 😉

  4. Melanie

    Dammit, I missed the popcorn giveaway! Oh well, I didn’t need that fattening (but delicous) Chicago Mix anyway now, did I? 😉

    I was laughing my butt off at your sequels. So great. I love your imagination.

  5. Calypso in the Country

    This is just too funny! I loved your sequels from each of my favorite 80’s movies. I am a huge John Hughes fan too! I had to laugh about Jake Ryan being a cabinet maker in Pennsylvania because I heard he was doing that from a woman I used to work with who knew his family. Love those movies… Visiting from the SITS Girls blog. Enjoy your weekend!
    Shelley

    1. Kari Post author

      Well hello and welcome to another John Hughes fan! It’s so good to meet you!
      And I am secretly jealous that you have a connection to Jake Ryan.

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