Blogging,  Humor,  Life

Why I Will Never Be Famous

September 3, 2013
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I want to thank you all for the support and wonderful words after reading my account of Ellie’s school struggles.
It means so much to me even just to have someone say, “thinking of you”.
So thank you.
From the bottom of my feet.
It helped.
And a shout out to my friend Bec over at Little Lucy Lu (who also happens to be a kindergarten teacher) for putting up with my constant stream of emails over the past four days.
I feel the love from the West Coast.
Thank you.
Do you notice anything, ohhhh I don’t know, different??
Working on updating my blog

This weekend I got to have a much-needed girls night and it turned into an impromptu blog overhaul!

Jen hard at work

I love the new header and just like that, I am trendy!

My friend Jen updating my website

 

The list is long and mighty.
As to why I will never be famous.
For one, I don’t like high heels.
Or sushi.
And I definitely don’t own a Vespa.

I got an email last Friday afternoon.
In a nutshell, the public relations person from Bethenny Frankel’s new talk show emailed me!
To see if I would want to come to a cocktail party in downtown Chicago!!
And party with Bethenny!!!!!
The following Tuesday.
Four days later.
At six in the evening.
On a school night.

At first, I thought it was spam.
Because why would Bethenny want me to be there?
The first thing I did was to email my friend Jen.
Because Jen is my go-to person.
For basically everything involving blogging, PR, writing a professional sounding email and telling her new words we need to start using.
Holy sh#$ snacks is the newest one.
Pass it on.

I forwarded her the email and said, “did you get this?”
Because she is usually invited to the who’s who events around these parts.
I get invited to arboretums and Super Saturday sales at stores I have never heard of.

Here is the conversation verbatim:

K-   Do you think I should go to that Bethenny thing? I would have to get a sitter. And I don’t like the thought of going alone.

J-  YES! 100 TIMES YES! Your snarky sense of humor and blog are WHY THEY PICKED YOU! YOU TOTALLY NEED TO GO! And you can tell Bethenny that I love her


K-  OMG I know but its a school night. So I would have to ask Anna bc my neighbor who helps me out is out-of-town next week.

 

J-  DO IT ANYWAY. YES I’M YELLING! IT’S PRACTICALLY A PERSONAL INVITATION FROM BETHENNY!
It’s friggin awesome that they picked you. Your blog is right up her alley and similar to her sense of humor.
K- I told her to add me to the VIP list.
Oh crap I sent a three-line email
YOU ARE SO MUCH BETTER AT THIS THAN I AM!!!!!!!

 

OMG I need to go shopping….what in the hell do I wear to this
I love you btw you know this right???


J-  Are you comfortable in a dress? If not, cute Capri’s, heels that won’t hurt your feet and an adorable shirt THAT YOUR BRA WON’T HANG OUT OF. Love you too! xoxo

 I know what is right? That you are AWESOME! that you UNDERESTIMATE THE SH@# OUT OF YOURSELF. Yes, I know these things. Apparently, it’s my job to remind you just how awesome you are. THEY PICKED YOU!
That last line is what I would like to discuss.
I am eternally grateful for this friendship.
You gotta love a woman who can tell you this.
And if they are a dear friend, even better. So the Tuesday night, school night thing wasn’t gonna fly.
Had I gotten the invite just one week earlier, I would have done it.
I would have had a plethora of teenagers who could have swooped in to help take care of things while I slipped out to, oh you know, have jello shots with Bethenny Frankel!!!
But alas, it was not meant to be.
Reasons why I couldn’t go into the city and play with Bethenny:

My nail situation is BAD

This was my nail situation.
As of Monday night.
The eve of the party.
Its called “no chip mani night friggin mare“.
Do you want total honesty?
I was peeling the polish off my fingers over a bowl while watching Real Housewives of OC the night before this was taken.
I lead a glamorous life.
Don’t be jealous.

 

I do love me some hard boiled eggs

I ate eggs day of.
Lots of eggs.
And eggs don’t lead to good things.
Especially when you are in a room full of women in downtown Chicago.
I got a free coupon at Blogher for those pre-cooked eggs from Eggland’s Best.
So I made deviled eggs.
And couldn’t stop eating them.

Then more reasons why I couldn’t go started piling up:
Anna had soccer tryout’s after school; the train schedule wasn’t in my favor; the hubs had to work; there weren’t any cute dresses at Kohl’s that day…..you see where this is going.
No, go play in the city with Bethenny.
Sad trombone.
I then had to email with deep regret, the PR person to tell her I couldn’t go.
Sadder trombone.
I didn’t mention the eggs though.

 

Hard boiled eggs will be the end of my fame circuit
So then Jen tells me that Bethenny will be in her town signing books the day of the party!
And that she is going!
AND that if I make a sign, she will show it to Bethenny!
Oooh!
I can make a sign.
Signs are my thing!
So off I went.
To make a sign.
Then the doorbell rang and my five-year-old had her crying Ihatekindergarten daily meltdown, then I had to take Annie to two soccer practices…she made the middle school team, by the way!!…shameless bragging plug…….then I had to run to the store because I was out of ranch dressing, then I sat down for the first time that day and had two Gilmore Girls and three Housewives episodes to watch. You know while peeling my nails. …Needless to say, the sign didn’t get made.
I did have a rough draft.

My note to Bethenny Frankel
I have to tell myself to put on makeup.
See?
NEVER GONNA BE FAMOUS.
Fast forward to Tuesday morning.
Day of book signing.
I asked Jen if she would buy me a book to get signed and I would totally pay her back.
So she bought two books.
One for herself and one for me.
What I didn’t know is that at the signing, one of the many books purchased at that bookstore would be a winner of a trip to NYC.
Let me set the scene:
11:45 in the morning in my home = 30 minutes before the traumatic arrival of Miss Shirley and bus number seven.
Meaning I am in survival mode.
Cleaning up lunch, getting Ellie dressed, playing interference and tight end.
I know nothing about football.
I just made that up, is that even a thing?
Trying to keep tears away is becoming my “thing” around here.
For both her AND me.
When suddenly my phone rings.
It is Jen.
Now normally, I would just let it go to voicemail.
And call her after Ellie gets on the bus.
But I picked it up.
Why?
KISMET.
And now THIS is where it gets fuzzy.
Because I am all about transparency, I don’t want to say what happened.
Because I don’t exactly remember what happened.
And because, as you will find out later, this part was videotaped.
So I will give you snippets.
I do know this:
On the phone, Jen told me that Bethenny would not be able to personalize my book.
And I said, okkkayyy.
Then she said, there is someone who wants to talk to you, can I put you on speaker?
Then I said, “and I didn’t give you the sign”.
To give to Bethenny.
Because I was busy wallpapering my room with pictures of Bethenny from People magazine.
KIDDING.
This I do remember.
“Kari? This is Bethenny!”
In her amazing east coast high-pitched voice.
And this I also remember.
I started to cry.
The ugly cry.
Only it was okay because I was on the phone.
The rest?
A BLUR.
I know I must have said, “it was an honor to talk to you”.
STALKER.
Then she dropped a bombshell.
My friend Jen won a trip to NYC to see a taping of Bethenny.
And she was bringing me along.
HOLY SH#$SNACKS!!!!!!!!!!
SH$%SNACKS!!!!! SH#$SNACKS!!!!!  SH#$SNACKS!!!!
Bethenny Frankel is talking on the phone to ME!
Photo credit- Bev Horne/ Staff Photographer
Daily Herald

That, my friends, is Bethenny Frankel.
Talking to me on the phone.
SHE IS TALKING TO ME!!!!!

I made Bethenny smile.
And laugh.
And not to sound all stalkerish but I love when she smiles like this.
That sounded all, I have my bedroom wallpapered in Bethenny pictures, didn’t it?
Did I also mention that her camera crew was filming the whole time?
So yeah, there’s that.
The rest of the day, I was in a haze.
And I was perspiring all day.
A lot.
Enough for me to even say aloud, “did I even put deodorant on today??”

Jen and I talked a couple of times and were all, ” WHAT JUST HAPPENED?!?!”THEN, as if things couldn’t have gotten any more awesomesauce, this came in the mail three days later:

Note from Bethenny's people

See?
I WASNT MAKING THIS UP!!

Look at all Bethenny's people sent!

The PR person for Bethenny’s show sent me a goodie bag since I couldn’t make it to the cocktail party.
And it is THE coolest goodie bag from a celebrity cocktail party I have ever received.
Umm, it might be the ONLY goodie bag from a celebrity cocktail party I have ever received.
But I am sure it is the coolest goodie bag EVAH.

And it just gets better.
See that book up there?
Well, since I already have one…..I think YOU should have one too!
So I am giving it away!!

http://www.rafflecopter.com/rafl/display/1817f51/
THIS GIVEAWAY HAS ENDED
The contest ends next Tuesday!
As of today, we have no idea when we are heading to NYC.
I am thinking it will be within the next month or so.
Because you know, our people have to talk to her people to iron out details.
Our people = us, by the way.

But I will keep you posted! Check out my friend Jen’s blog post about her experience here!

 

 

 

 

 

I love to write about my family, John Hughes, tacos and Bruce Hornsby. Not necessarily in that order.

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