And that mistress has a name.
Able to suck up food my children leave on every livin’ space of my home in a single bound.
Oh yes, it is not only a vacuum.
It is a superhero.
Meet the Dyson Digital Slim DC59 Animal.
If you didn’t already know this about me, you will now.
I am a neat freak.
Constantly wiping surfaces, scrubbing orifices and sanitizing everything living and non-living in its path.
The bane of my existence when it comes to cleaning has always been floors.
Especially in the winter.
I probably spend a good hour and a half a week JUST cleaning and vacuuming the floors.
It is right about now that you are realizing we can’t be friends, isn’t it?
So when I got the chance to visit the Dyson offices in Chicago in December with my bestie Marianne, I was stoked.
It was like the cleaning mothership was calling me home.
I felt like I was going to the White House.
Yes, more Graceland than the White House.
This you need to know, I have never owned a Dyson before.
I am aware I am somewhat of an anomaly at least with those who I am close to.
Meaning I am basically the only person I know who doesn’t have a Dyson.
I mean, I knew they were supposed to be faboo and all but I had no clue.
In the dark, as it pertains to floor cleaning and maintenance, apparently.
Until I got to test run one at the offices in December.
It was like one of those movies where the people are on the beach running in slow motion towards each other.
It felt like that.
I had that moment.
With a vacuum cleaner.
So when on the coldest day recorded in Chicago history, this landed on my doorstep, I was giddy.
I spent exactly one hour, the day it arrived, hitting every single nook and cranny of my home with this baby.
I may have even been so giddy that I danced with my Dyson.
Noooo I didn’t take any pictures.
OF COURSE, I took pictures.
This puppy sucked the crap off every livin’ space in my home.
I couldn’t believe how much junk it was picking up.
For a neat freak that was exhilarating and a little upsetting all at once.
It even provides a little wind machine that led to an impromptu photo shoot:
Little known fact- I have never EVER been able to look sexy.
While trying to look sexy.
It always looks like this:
OHHH I GOT SOMETHING IN MY EYE!!!!
DID I MENTION THIS ALSO HAS A HANDHELD VACUUM???
You can detach this puppy at the top to create a cool handheld vacuum for those hard to reach spaces.
I am not doing it justice though.
You can head here to watch the cool video on how the Digital Slim DC 59 got started and how it WILL change your life.
Disclosure: I received a Dyson vacuum at no expense but these words and ideas are all mine.