Why I Hate Getting My Picture Taken

I don’t take a good picture.

The pictures in which I look pretty good are random coincidences.
Like snow rollers or crop circles.
I come by it honestly.
My gramma, God rest her beautiful soul, rarely took a good picture in her entire life.

A decent picture of me. Finally.
This is probably the best picture I have ever taken. I am 42 in this picture. 42 years for a good picture. Also? I HAD TO TAKE 123 BAD PICTURES TO GET THIS ONE GOOD PICTURE. I wish I were lying.

This is why most likely my children will forget what I look like when I am dead.
Because there is very little photographic proof of how bad a picture I take.
I see all these cute selfies with moms and their offspring everywhere.
Me + a good selfie is like Oprah Winfrey at a Dollar Tree.
Never the two shall meet.

 

My sophomore year school picture
The beginning of the bad picture curse. Sophomore year, 1985. Can you say EYELINER.

I have a crooked smile.
It is one of my imperfections.
I am OK with it on a daily basis.
But when it is time for me to smile at the birdy?
I overcompensate for it.

A picture of mom and I
In fairness to myself, we weren’t ready. But even my mom looks great candidly. It was HER mom that passed this gene on to me. It must skip a generation.
I make a better impression in person.
I promise.

 

A picture of Mike and I

You know those romantic pictures of couples trying to take a selfie on the beach?
Yeah.
I have no idea what you are talking about.
It looks like I don’t even know the man kissing me.
Because overcompensating for crooked smile.

 

A picture of Rebecca and I in Door County

Normal people look whimsical in a selfie on a beautiful summer day with a bestie.
I look like I am in pain.

A picture of Summerfest

A lot of the time, I just give up.
And take pictures of my knees.
Here are my knees having a great time at a Zac Brown concert.

 

A picture of my feet in NYC

Or of my feet.
Here they are relaxing in New York City.

 

A picture of my boots in NYC

And again in NYC.

 

A picture of Rebecca, Mike and I

A potentially great picture ruined by my tan lines.
And my cheesy, overcompensating smile.

 

 

 

A picture of Rebecca, Bernie and I

Or I am upstaged by my boobs.
I don’t have large boobs.
My bra must have been workin’ overtime this night.

 

 

A Picture of Mike and I

Or my bifocals AND my boobs.
Of course we both lookย kind of tipsy so who knows, maybe it was that kind of night.

 

A picture of Jeanette and I

Or my hair.

A picture of Mike and I

You know that “beach hair” every one on Pinterest is trying to get?
This is mine.
My husband apparently doesn’t like it either.

A picture of Marianne and me

I cannot take a candid or action shot to save my life.
Marianne looks amazing.
I look like I am her grandmother.

 

A picture of me in a Snuggie

Yes I am wearing a snuggie.
On my birthday.

 

 

I hate taking selfie pictures

STOP ASKING ME TO TAKE SELFIES.

Until I had my first professional head shot taken last weekend.
For my Listen To Your Mother experience.

 

My first professional head shot
courtesy of Balee Images

I want her to follow me around everywhere I go.
I wish I could have her take all my selfies.
Well, then I guess they wouldn’t be selfies by definition.
You get the picture.
See what I did there?

I am a person who can appreciate a good hair/makeup/face/boob/ouftit picture.
And cherish it.
Now my kids will know what I looked like.

16 thoughts on “Why I Hate Getting My Picture Taken

  1. Shannon from Deepest Worth

    My daughter and I are in an Iowa hotel at this moment laughing at your Oprah in the Dollar Tree line. And the crop circles.
    Honestly, though, I love all the pictures. They are you. What's not to love?

  2. Marianne

    You are hilarious. And I think you photograph beautifully. As an aside, I am someone who tends to photograph well but look like sh*t in real life. It's proven rather disappointing to people who meet me after seeing a photo. They usually shuffle their feet and refuse to make eye-contact because they somehow feel misled. ๐Ÿ™

  3. Andrea

    For real and for true, I think your pictures are beautiful BECAUSE they are real and you look happy! (Love the coca cola apron one, and the tan line one is near and dear to me as I rocked some nasty ones as maid of honor in a strapless dress) All of my pics look like a Gleem toothpaste ad…why so many teeth in my mouth? Why can I only dress in garanimal styles…

    Seriously, the new one is fantastic though! Just perfect!

  4. Jessica

    While that is a particularly good picture of you, I happen to think most of the other ones are pretty good too. Except maybe the Snuggie one. And you look great in that one too… when you can manage to look away from the Snuggie.

  5. A

    I FEEL YOUR PAIN! I think it is in the iPhone camera… because every time I take a selfie and then look at it and it's a mirror image, it's like something happened in the flipping… I become a gargoyle! Or like Sloth from the Goonies.

    I don't in any way envy the generation of teens growing up today, but I do admire their mad selfie-taking skills!

    P.S. Don't hide your smile! I saw it a lot at rehearsal and NEVER thought it was crooked! You're one good lookin' lady!

  6. RALee

    I love your pics because they're real although honestly nobody wants to see "bad" pictures of themselves. I honestly think we're a lot more critical of ourselves then other people are. I'm the same way. I loved every single one of your pics!

  7. Christine Munsterman

    I so feel your pain… I take horrid pictures, and have been known to purposely hide behind the little for photos.
    Your post made me smile, and even laugh out loud at work.
    We are always critical of ourselves, even when others are not.
    Fortunately, my phone does not possess the ability to take selfies.
    At least that's my story, and I'm sticking to it…

    http://pugskidscrafts.blogspot.com/

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