On Flat Kari.
Don’t pretend you haven’t been paying attention.
I know you care.
I made a spreadsheet type list, I typed up an email to those who volunteered to take “her” for a few weeks.
I sent out the messages, stayed on top of people to get “her” to the next destination, I did maneuvering.
I was on my A game.
Okay, that has nothing to do with anything.
Anyway, my hosts would share the pictures on Facebook and I figured, hey, if it is on Facebook, it is as good as a blog post.
Only, it wasn’t on my BLOG Facebook page.
Then I thought, I really should be writing posts about these Facebook pictures.
My hosts were going to delicious extremes in some cases to put pictures of me out there.
And I let them down.
Hanging head in shame.
So without further adieu, here is where “I” have been!
First stop, my friend Melanie’s home in Illinois…..
According to Melanie, my hand “pissed off” her cat Monkey.
It’s alright Monkey, I piss myself off too.
But Clementine liked me.
You are my favorite…shhhhh.
OMG Melanie’s captions made me laugh.
“Kari does yoga. Wow, she’s so bendy with her brass joints! Namaste, bitches.”
She really needs to write my blog.
This you need to know, I LOVE CRACKER BARREL.
Like, I go in there and literally act like a child.
OOOH DID YOU SEE THE MONKEY THAT CLANGS THE CYMBALS?!?!?
OOH OOH OOH DID YOU SEE THE GOO GOO CLUSTERS?!?!?
OOOH OOOOH OOOOOH DO YOU SMELL THE FIREPLACE?!?!?!
BRING ME THE HASH BROWN CASSEROLE.
Said in my best James Earl Jones voice.
Since we last saw “her”, Flat Kari has been lots of places.
All over the Chicago suburbs, Texas, Arizona, Outer Banks, Washington D.C., central Ohio, New York and even Finland.
I get A-ROUND.
I modeled for the newest line of apple cider.
This is the apple orchard from my childhood, in Ohio.
Cue the sounds of harp music and send in the deer.
That is how I picture my childhood!
Allison knows all about product placement.
She should work for the government or something.
Speaking of the government…..
She took me to D.C.
And drew dots on my dress and shoes on my feet.
Oh, by the way, mad props to my friend Kari who made the above ensemble for me!
I don’t dress like that in real life.
I should but I don’t.
I wear things like overalls.
And leggings with holes in them.
With 10-year-old fake crocs I got at Walmart.
I got to go to Outer Banks with my friend Vikki and her sweet family.
There are so many more pictures from this trip.
But I couldn’t find them on Facebook when I went back to look.
Or find in a file she sent to me back in August.
Yes, I know I am an adult.
Who doesn’t know how to find crap on my computer.
I got to photobomb my friend Meggan’s family picture.
I went fishing with her too.
And no there aren’t any snakes in that bucket.
In case you were wondering.
I got to spend a week with one of my favorite family’s and my spirit animal, Reeses.
By the way, that is the look she gives me every time she sees me.
And if I were small enough, I would totally spoon on her back like that.
I also got drunk and slept in a sock.
Which is the paper version of sleeping in the bathtub.
I went indoor skydiving….with…..myself?
I became a phallic symbol at an apple farm in New York.
And I had a spa day with some friends.
My biggest adventure in terms of travel is the one I am currently on in Finland with my friend Eva.
I look so at home there.
Isn’t it beautiful?
“I” may end up staying there forever.
As I am writing this, another Flat Kari is on a plane to Las Vegas with my friend Jackie!
I can’t wait to hear what happens…….or maybe I will never know…….wink wink.
Over the past six months, “I” have been to California, a place I have always wanted to visit, seen friends who I have never met in person.
“I” have seen Hollywood homes, visited Johnny Cash’s home, eaten at In and Out Burger, had special jewelry made for me.
“I” got to sit in first class for the first time ever, touch a real live cactus and go on a business trip.
“I” got to hang out with the Red Hat Society, snuggled with many dogs, and got to go on a photo shoot for a magazine.
“I” got to do Irish dancing, go to a blogging conference in California, and meet a famous blogger/author.
“I” got to see the Outer Banks with a family that I want to adopt me, flirt with a tour guide and got to help take a child to college for the first time.
“I” went on a choo-choo all the way from Ohio to Washington DC, visited the ice cream/hamburger stand my brother had his first job and ran into old high school friends.
“I” went on many airplane rides, rode in many vehicles and became part of your families.
I adore visiting new places, but unfortunately, I don’t get to travel as much as I would love to, so through all of you, I have.
It has made my heart swell with love every time “I” have gone somewhere with you.
I have felt like I have been right by your side through all of “my” journeys.
Thank you for that.
Please forgive me if any of your pictures didn’t show up here over the past six months.
all of them were easily found on Facebook, so if you would like your
pictures from my visit to be on the blog, you can email them to me and I will do that!
Thank you to all of my amazing friends and family who wanted to be a part of this.
didn’t have to bribe any of you to take me, you welcomed me into your
homes, your family vacations, business trips and personal lives.
It was so much fun to watch, so thank you from the bottom of my paper heart.
If anyone is still interested in hosting “me” going forward, you can always reach out to me via email.
There are currently four versions out there and I have none on me as of now because hello, paper me is a lot more fun than flesh and blood me.
Not really but paper me has better manners.
For more Flat Kari adventures, head here!