I’m just going to start titling all of my blog posts with quotes from John Hughes movies. Because nothing says “I have given up” like plagiarism. Is that how you spell it? I GIVE UP.
I sent my screenplay to Amazon Studios over a week ago. Apparently, Amazon doesn’t only have Scott Toilet Paper in a convenient 24 pack, but they also make movies and shit. So I sent it over on a Saturday and it got rejected on a Monday morning.
A couple of things…
I edited my screenplay per Amazon’s specifications with the exception of the page count. I submitted a 163-page screenplay but according to their requirements, they ideally would like something to be no more than 160 pages.
I had already edited the crap out of it because of Amazon’s specifications, YES, I KNOW I AM GOING ABOUT THIS THE WRONG WAY and chopped, like, 10 pages out of my screenplay. So by the time I got to 163 pages, I was like HEY AMAZON KISS MY ASS HERE’S MY SCREENPLAY.
I naïvely thought, oh three pages off isn’t bad. Because I cut ten pages out. Even though Amazon had no clue of the screenplay hacking, I mean editing. YES, I KNOW I AM GOING ABOUT THIS THE WRONG WAY.
I have a couple of theories about why it got rejected so quickly.
1- It sucked.
2- It was read by a 22-year-old intern that hates his/her life and had to work the weekend shift SO SCREW YOUR MIDLIFE CRISIS SCREENPLAY.
3- It was three pages over. That was the rule. You go home now.
4- John Hughes? WHO IN THE HELL IS THAT?? Read reason #2.
But this is the thing: I didn’t get upset about it. Which is shocking considering I have been known to get really emotionally distraught over simple things. I actually had a worse reaction to my DVR not recording last week’s Real Housewives of New Jersey than I did about the screenplay that I put my heart and soul into, getting rejected by the first place I submitted it.
I’m a peach.
The day I was rejected by Amazon, I decided to Google WHERE TO SUBMIT YOUR SCREENPLAY. Again.
I found an article about how to get an agent for your screenplay…I NEED A DAMN AGENT?!?!……but I clicked on it anyway because HOLY CRAP I NEED AN AGENT.
It was written by Brian Koppelman who has written lots of movies of which I had never heard of but that means nothing because I get out to see a movie once a year. This year it was Pretty in Pink, YES, I KNOW I HAVE A SICKNESS. Anyway, I read the article and it was really amazingly helpful because he didn’t bullshit me. (I feel like Brian was talking to only me, go with it. I am vulnerable) Essentially he said, it is hard to get into this business, which I knew.
Then it got me to thinking, I don’t want to be in that business. I don’t want to be famous, I don’t want to live in Hollywood. I don’t want to be ridiculously rich. I KNOW I AM DOING IT THE WRONG WAY.
But I don’t. The reason I wrote this screenplay is that I love John Hughes.
Have I mentioned that before?
I wrote it as a love letter from a generation that adores him. I swear I am not certifiable.
I think a lot of people who grew up in the ’70s and ’80s will understand this. He “got” us.
And I just feel like we can have a friggin’ George Lucas museum but not a John Hughes museum? THOSE STAR WARS PEOPLE ARE PISSING ME OFF.
So I wrote about it.
Not about George Lucas and the Star Wars people, but about John Hughes. STAY WITH ME.
My original mindset was simply this: the movie Blues Brothers was once a screenplay. Someone gave up money to make Romy and Michelle’s High School Reunion into a movie. One word: Sharknado.
There are a lot of movies out there that made me very confident in my screenplay writing. HELLO STEPBROTHERS.
In the article, Brian (because we be BUDS now) said that if you want to get attention for your screenplay, you should do things like making a movie on the cheap of a scene from said screenplay to get people interested.
Or share it on your blog/website. Although I don’t know how I would do that, YES, I KNOW I AM DOING IT THE WRONG WAY.
So now, I am plotting ways to make my movie to plaster all over the interwebs.
I am starting to get a cast in place, sort of, and I have a camera person and even a location. Possibly.
In the midst of all of this, I found a felt board at Hobby Lobby.
A felt board with letters to write anything you want all willy nilly!
It was $34.99 at Hobby Lobby BUT it was 50% off, so $17.45 on sale which is very do-able especially because I want to say awful, AWFUL things on this board.
Oh wait, I have kids. Never mind.
But then I was inspired!
I WILL WRITE JOHN HUGHES MOVIE QUOTES ON THIS BOARD!
I WILL SEE THE BOARD AND IT WILL INSPIRE ME TO NOT GIVE UP!
JOHN HUGHES WOULD WANT IT THAT WAY!
YES, I KNOW THIS KIND OF CRAZY GETS PEOPLE INSTITUTIONALIZED!
Life is too short to be normal.
So on a gloomy and cold October Saturday, I made a sign.
Not a sign from God sign but a sign.
Or maybe it is……..
It is right above where I sit and write daily. When I am writing about where to find the best kid-friendly taco stand in suburban Chicago, Ferris is watching. When I am writing about how to paint a piece of crap to make it look pretty, Ferris is there.
I will not forget my screenplay. I will not let it fall by the wayside. I will not be afraid to share it with other people.
Pass the Pepto Bismol.