I’m looking at you, Bustle.
Or Huffington Post.
And sometimes Scary Mommy.
It started for me with this article: 11 Gross- Sounding Words Everyone Hates to Hear, According to Science.
There is a word in that title that makes my eye twitch. Wanna guess which one?
Because it isn’t true. They polled 5,000 people but I bet you didn’t read that far in or maybe you scanned the article to see the 11 bullet-pointed words.
And that’s okay because that’s what most people do (notice I didn’t say “everyone”).
Because “everyone” is misleading.
“Everyone” is far-reaching.
“Everyone” is a lie.
I have been a writer since I was little; I used to say “circa 2010” because that is when I started writing for “everyone” but I have put pencil/crayon/colored pencil/eyeliner to paper, construction paper, hamburger wrappers since I was old enough to know how to write words and I bet a lot of you are the same way.
Well not “everyone” but a good many of you.
It’s pretty bold to make statements like the one made in the title above for many reasons but the biggest being that when you make a statement like that, you make me feel like I am dumb. Like I can’t read for myself like I am just another number for your page views. I really hate being click bait and so should you.
While there are some words in the list that are gross sounding to me (moist, panties, mucus) there are others that I have no clue why they made the list (lugubrious WHO EVEN USES THIS WORD, dollop, RURAL???).
But because I am not “everyone” and because I am a writer myself, I question articles like this.
When polling 5,000 people, you had enough people say: you know what, the word rural really REALLY bothers me.
I call bullshit.
Writers sometimes like to write things just to have something to write.
I have been guilty of it, I have seen many of my fellow writers do it, major websites do it on an hourly basis.
Do you see all the stuff Buzzfeed churns out in one day?
Remember when you could get the daily newspaper and sit down to read it at your leisure.
Once a day?
Or maybe you weren’t a newspaper person but rather an evening news person. You got all snuggly with your blanket and your bowl of cereal at 10 at night and watched the newscaster blurt out all that they could get packed in a 30-minute newscast and that was it. NO MORE NEWS FOR YOU!
If you were really crazy, you probably read the paper, watched the news AND stayed up for Nightline like the freak you were.
Nowadays all you have to do is log in to your email and writers on your homepage will tell you things like this:
Because they really care about JLo’s hemline and neckline and apparently, so should you.
I miss the good old days.
When you could choose for yourself what you wanted to read without it being in the sidebar because you were Googling tuna subs from Jimmy John’s.
I DON’T NEED TO SEE MY BAD CHOICES IN THE SIDEBAR, OKAY INTERNET??
Yes folks, writers sometimes write things so that they have something to write.
Just like this post.
Only I am smart enough to know not “everyone” will enjoy it.