Back again with scene two. I hope you still like me. I have brownies laced with weed! No I don’t. I will never make it in Hollywood.
Are you new here? Head to last week’s post to read scene one.
I added a graphic!! SOMEBODY STOP ME.
Scene Two- “There Was an Uncle Buck Soundtrack?”
Katherine, her husband, and their two children get into their minivan to head to Regina’s birthday party. They turn on the radio to hear the disc jockey say that today is John Hughes death anniversary (August 6th). Katherine and her husband both look at each other at exactly the same time wide-eyed. After a short drive, they pull up to Regina’s house, in suburban Chicago at dusk. A small gathering of friends is at Regina’s to celebrate her birthday and the bulk of the guests are making small talk while standing in the kitchen when Kate and her family arrive.
Katherine (to everyone in the kitchen)- You would not believe the dream I had before coming here. On John Hughes’ death day, no less.
Regina- Seriously weird and morbid that you know today is his death day.
Valerie- Was it a wet dream?
Katherine- Eww, no!
Katherine- At least I don’t think it was.
Regina- Oh my God, it’s my birthday…..
Valerie- What? I lost my virginity to the Uncle Buck soundtrack.
Katherine- Of all soundtracks? Really?
Valerie- It’s not like you plan those kinds of things.
Katherine’s husband- There was an Uncle Buck soundtrack?
Valerie- Lots and lots of accordion. I should know because…..
Regina- WE GOT IT.
Random Female friend- Speaking of John Hughes, did you hear about that guy finding a script for The Breakfast Club in a desk drawer at Maine Township High School?
Katherine- See? THAT is a travesty.
Katherine’s husband- It really is. Regina, where’s the beer?
Katherine- I’m serious! We need to do something about that!
Regina- Hmm, you mean like create a building full of creepy shit from his movies and call it a museum?
Valerie’s husband- That reminds me, what IS going on with your John Hughes museum, Kate? Is it still in the planning stages or……
Everyone in the room laughs
Katherine- Yeah laugh now but when I get a hold of Judd Nelson via his agent, WHO WILL BE LAUGHING THEN? HUH?
Regina- I’m sorry, what did you just say?
Katherine- I have his agent’s number somewhere in my purse. Or in the car. Or maybe on my nightstand. No matter, when I find it, I will call him and then you will see!
Valerie (laughing)- You get right on that! Meanwhile, I will call my stockbroker in Switzerland! (pretending to dial her cell phone)
Regina- I think you mean Swiss Bank account.
Valerie- You got one of them too?
Katherine- I am being totally serious you guys! John Hughes was the real deal to all of us growing up and every other American teenager in the eighties. He’s a huge part of Chicago culture and he’s even buried here. A museum makes sense. If they can run a surgical tool museum, a John Hughes museum isn’t far-fetched. Who the hell wants to look at surgical tools anyway?
Katherine’s husband- Surgeons?
Regina’s husband- Serial killers?
Regina- Surgical assistants?
Valerie- People who get turned on my metal objects?
Everyone stares at Valerie
Valerie- What? I’ve read it’s a thing!
Katherine- What exactly do we even need to start a museum?
Valerie- Well, money.
Regina- More money?
Katherine- Fine, I could start one of those Kickstarter things.
Valerie- Isn’t that where people who don’t want to get a job ask other people who do have jobs to pay their bills?
Regina- You’re thinking of Go Fund Me.
Katherine is rummaging through her purse, throwing stuff all over, in search of Judd Nelson’s agent’s phone number
Katherine- Aha! I found it! Aww man, the last two digits are smudged!
Regina- That’s because you wrote it on a Portillo’s hot dog wrapper.
Valerie- Hold it up to the light.
Valerie’s husband- You all aren’t actually thinking of calling?
Katherine- It looks like a 9 and a 2? I am calling him. Right now.
Valerie- What if he is one of those surgical tool loving serial killers?
Random female friend- Or worse! One of those multi-level marketing people!
Regina- Who even gave you that number any way?
Katherine- Industry insider I met at a blogging conference. So it’s TOTALLY legit.
Katherine’s husband- So say it really IS Judd Nelson’s agent and say you even get the chance to talk to Judd himself. Then what?
Katherine- I convince him to donate his wad to support the museum. Easy peasy.
Regina- What on EARTH would possess him to be a part of that?
Random female friend- Hats! Museums always have cool as FUCK gift shop hats! AND key chains! Oh man, think of the awesome key chains a John Hughes museum would have!
Katherine- I’m hoping to appeal to Mr. Nelson’s sense of nostalgia by bringing him back to Chicago.
Regina- Oh sure.
Katherine- That and I’ll wear my Wonderbra, a low-cut shirt and my hooker boots.
Random female friend- We could have Pretty in Pink beer cozies!! John Hughes glasses! Not like, shot glasses but real glasses to make you look like him! Or no, wait! Duckie’s shoes!! WAIT! RUBBER FUCKIN’ DUCKIE DUCKIES!!!
Katherine’s husband- When you said “bring him back to Chicago”, you meant figuratively. Right?
Random female friend- Can I PLEASE work in the gift shop???
Now is the fun part, you get to be my editor! I want this to be collective. Is there a part that didn’t mesh well? Would you have liked something else said? What about the ending? I was toying with another line instead. Would you want to hear both versions? Let me know in the comments!
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