Back with scene three but if re-living the 80’s with three middle-aged women doesn’t float your boat, I have lots of other fun posts to read.
Seriously though, please don’t judge me on this post. But also, make my movie so I don’t have to keep writing it on the blog for my poor readers. They are starting to turn on me.
Keep in mind that this is light-hearted, not The English Patient. More like Romy and Michelle’s High School Reunion. I am not trying to win an Academy Award with this screenplay. It is simply to make a movie I personally would like to see in the theater.
*When I wrote this last year, The Steve Harvey Show was filmed in Chicago and now it is filmed in LA. I am too lazy to change it and all of my Amazon posts aren’t going to write themselves.
Scene Three- The Plane Ride
A few weeks after Regina’s birthday party, Katherine, Valerie and Regina are on a plane headed from Chicago to Los Angeles for a “girls weekend”.
Regina (to Katherine)-I still can’t believe you won three all-expenses paid round trip tickets to L.A. to see The Steve Harvey Show!
Valerie- Yeah, even harder to believe seeing as Steve Harvey is filmed in Chicago.
Katherine- Oh well, see, I won them ON the Steve Harvey Show. We aren’t going TO The Steve Harvey Show.
Valerie- Interesting since I don’t ever remember you attending a taping of The Steve Harvey Show.
Regina- That Steve Harvey is one funny guy. And quite generous too.
Valerie- Yeah. Wonder why Steve Harvey would send three middle-aged women to California for no apparent reason? Maybe I should tweet him or some shit?
Katherine- They don’t like it when you clog up the Twitter feeds with stuff like that.
Valerie- You’re lying!
Valerie gives Katherine the side eye
Katherine- Oh okay. Steve Harvey didn’t give us the tickets. I bought them.
Regina- Kate, why did you buy us tickets to California?
Katherine- So remember at your party when I said I was going to call Judd Nelson’s agent?
Valerie- Uh oh.
Katherine- Well, I did.
Valerie and Regina look completely shocked
Katherine- It gets better. We have an appointment with him in Hollywood Hills this afternoon.
Valerie and Regina stare at Katherine
Katherine- That’s not all. We aren’t going back to Chicago alone.
Regina (muttering under her breath)- Please say Steve Harvey is coming back with us, please say Steve Harvey is coming back with us…..
Katherine- We are bringing the brat pack back home with us!
Valerie and Regina keep staring at Katherine
Katherine- You know, to help get the museum going!
Regina- I have never kidnapped anyone before!
Valerie- What are we gonna do with them when we get back to Chicago?
Katherine- See, I hadn’t thought that far ahead.
Valerie and Regina stare at Katherine with their mouths open
Katherine- Relax! We still have three hours left to solidify our plan! Geez……
Valerie- So we are just gonna kidnap the brat pack, drive them to Chicago and after the road trip from hell, we have to convince them to spend THEIR money on a museum dedicated to a dead guy?
Katherine- We are going to gently persuade them to go on the “road trip of a lifetime” with us! Head to Chicago! Home of the deep dish pizza, John Belushi, Harry Caray, illegal voting, and you know, winter!
Regina- So no mention of the museum, no mention of them loaning us a shit-ton of money? And illegal voting hasn’t been going on for at least a year, Kate.
Valerie- Yeah and those two guys you mentioned are both dead. As is the person the museum is dedicated to.
Katherine- WOULD YOU STOP BEING SUCH BUZZ KILLS? YOU GUYS ARE TOTALLY RUINING THIS DAY FOR ME!
Valerie- Well, I’m out on account of me boycotting his movies because there aren’t any black people in them.
Katherine- That’s not true!
Valerie- Prove it.
Katherine (googling on her phone)- Oh shit……
Valerie- Told you.
Regina- Don’t even get me started on the whole John Hughes racist Asian scenario.
Katherine- But you guys loved his movies in high school!
Valerie- That’s before we became empowered and enlightened. But man, I do love Pretty in Pink and then there’s the Uncle Buck connection……
Regina- Three words: LONG DUCK DONG.
Valerie- Yes it was…..
Katherine- Oh come on you two, this will be fun! Please say you’ll kidnap the brat pack with me?
Regina (to Valerie) – Obviously Kate has lost her mind. I will get us on the next plane to Chicago once we land.
Katherine- I can hear everything you’re saying!
Valerie- Wait! I don’t get to ride the TMZ bus before we leave LA??
Regina- Fine, you can ride the TMZ bus, THEN we fly back home.
Katherine- Stop talking like I’m not here!
Valerie (to Regina)- Also, maybe we should make her an appointment to get her some of those hormone replacement pills when we get back home.
Katherine- Okay, maybe the idea is a tad outlandish….
Valerie- A tad?
Regina- Whatever happened to logic and reasoning? Did you even try to reach out to any of them on social media?
Katherine- I did think of that but thought I would come off looking like a stalker.
Regina and Valerie give Katherine a death stare
Valerie- We can’t kidnap the brat pack.
Katherine (talking like a little child)- Why not??
Valerie- Regina, handle this.
Regina- Kate, think about it. We will go to jail. It will be on the nightly news. Our kids won’t talk to us any more. Oh wait…..hmmmm…..
Valerie- REASONING REGINA…..
Katherine- That all makes for GREAT publicity for the museum!
Regina- I’m out.
Katherine- Listen, the older I get the more I realize that we don’t have many chances left to do something completely daring, reckless even and possibly important. This “stupid” little thing IS important. And honestly, if we go to jail, it would be completely worth it.
Valerie- YOU go to jail, not WE.
Regina- I mean, I guess if we were going to find them we would need a plan, right?
Valerie- ARE YOU FOR REAL??
Regina- Well, Kate is making it sound like so much fun and I never did have a rebellious phase in high school with me being Asian and all…..
Valerie- You’re kidding, right?
Katherine- I guess the question we need to ask ourselves is “WWJHD”.
Valerie- What would Jessica have done?
Regina- Who’s Jessica?
Valerie- I don’t know! I’m not good at these word problem things!
Katherine- WHAT WOULD JOHN HUGHES DO!
Regina- About kidnapping the brat pack and taking them on a cross-country pilgrimage to the birthplace of most of his films?
Valerie- Probably make a very Caucasian movie about it.
Regina- Part of me thinks he would love the hell out of it.
Katherine- Let’s be daring and reckless.
Valerie (sighing and shrugging)- But can I ride the TMZ bus first?
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