This week my mom shared with me an article that John Hughes’ widow has her current Lake Forest, Illinois home on the market. My mom and I commented on how her home was so cozy and down to earth for such a massive house. It felt warm and inviting, and that touched me. I know I will never get to meet Mrs. Hughes (even though I do via the screenplay; keep reading), I like to think she would be as warm and inviting as her home is.
This has nothing to do with the screenplay, but whenever Hughes News (that rhymed and made me very happy) appears in the papers around here, it makes me smile and I felt like sharing that with you.
Head here for all of the scenes in one guide in case you missed one!
Scene Twelve- “I’m Here for All of the Cats”
The group now consists of Judd Nelson, Molly Ringwald, Anthony Michael Hall, Emilio Estevez, Gedde Watanabe, John Kapelos and the new additions of Chevy Chase and Beverly D’Angelo. Only they think they are Clark and Ellen Griswold. They are all riding in Clark and Ellen’s RV as their van broke down in Colorado. We meet up with everyone as they are on the road in Kansas, edging closer to Illinois.
Regina- Who knew Kansas was really long.
John- And kind of boring.
Katherine- And really flat.
Judd- You just described in detail, my last girlfriend.
Chevy (to Judd)- Aww. that’s not nice son!
Judd (to Chevy)- Quit calling me son.
Valerie- Kansas JUST GOT INTERESTING! Look!!
Out the window, they see a billboard for World’s Largest Cat Farm 10 miles down the road
Regina- Why Val? Just. Why?
Chevy- The World’s Largest Cat Farm is a must-see, Regina!
Judd- Uhh guys?
Valerie- You and I are soul mates Chevy!
Judd- I think “cat farm” is code for something else.
Judd (using air quotes)- “Whore house”.
Katherine- You’re thinking of cat house. This is a cat FARM.
Valerie- How come you know so much about whorehouses Kate?
Katherine- I get HBO.
The RV pulls down a long gravel road and turns into a driveway with a sign in the yard WORLD’S LARGEST (and only!) CAT FARM. They park the RV in the grass and everyone gets out to stretch their legs. Valerie runs up to the door of the farmhouse and knocks. A woman in her early 50’s answers the door.
Woman- May I help you?
Valerie (rubbing her hands together)- I’m here for all of the cats!
Woman- Excuse me?
Valerie- I saw your sign? By the highway? Oh wait, this isn’t one of them whorehouses is it?
Valerie- Oh good, Judd Nelson just informed me of what a cat house REALLY is on the way in.
Valerie- Because I’m not interested in all of the sex. Just the cats.
Woman- What did you just say?
Valerie- That came out wrong. I DON’T WANT TO HAVE SEX WITH YOUR CATS.
Woman- No, no, you said Judd Nelson told you about a cat house?
Valerie- He probably knows because he looks like a sex offender.
Woman- THE Judd Nelson?
Valerie- But don’t say anything because it’s kind of a secret that he’s here.
Woman- Your secret is safe with me.
Valerie- Hey, you got that grumpy cat here?
Valerie- Yeah, I thought it’d be a long shot.
The woman walks Valerie over to the cat barn then excuses herself to investigate the RV. She creeps toward the group, hiding behind bushes and trees to get a closer look.
Emilio- Do you get the feeling someone is watching us?
Molly- ALL OF THE TIME, Emilio!
Katherine- I just got a chill.
Beverly- That’s because it is a bit chilly out here. Let me get you a cardigan, Audrey. (walks into the RV)
Judd- Did she just call you Audrey?
John- Now I just got a chill.
Gedde- I’m getting a weird vibe too.
Michael- That’s probably because there’s a lady watching our every move from behind that tree over there.
Judd- I don’t see a thing.
John- OOH I see her! In between the clay Garfield and the plastic Morris.
Emilio-And just like that, she’s gone.
Katherine- This place is like a house of horrors. Only with cats.
Beverly comes out of the RV and hands Kate a sweater
Gedde (pointing in the direction of the farmhouse)- There she is again!
Michael- OH CREEPY CAT LAAADY? WE COME IN PEACE. WE ONLY WANT TO SEE THE CATS!
Judd- Holy shit, this isn’t for real.
Molly- Are we sure it isn’t just a really large cat? I mean HELLO, Cat Farm?
Woman- Molly? Is that you?
Molly- Did that cat just call my name?
Woman- It’s me!
Molly- This is where I am going to die. I just know it.
Woman- Molly Ringwald!
Molly- LISTEN! I HAVE CHEVY CHASE WHO THINKS HE’S CLARK GRISWOLD AND I’M NOT AFRAID TO USE HIM!
Woman- It’s just me! Ally! Ally Sheedy?
Molly- Ally Sheedy, why does that name sound so familiar?
Katherine (to Molly)- Really?
Judd- I didn’t see that one coming.
Molly- A cat that knows my name? Well, of course, no one saw that coming.
Ally Sheedy walks toward the group
Ally- I can’t believe you’re here at my farm!
Molly- Neither can I.
Emilio- You own a cat farm? In Kansas?
Ally- It’s really a hobby farm, long story.
Judd- And a page turner, I’m sure.
Katherine hits Judd
Ally- So what are all of you doing here?
Ally- In Kansas?
Michael- Even longer story.
Molly- Much more interesting than the cat farm story, I’m sure.
Katherine- Ally Sheedy, are you able to get away for a week or two?
Judd- I don’t know Kate. What about the cats??
Ally- Sure Judd, be condescending about my cat farm when an entire John Hughes production is standing on my front lawn looking and smelling like shit.
Chevy- Why does everyone keep bringing up John Hughes? I’m so confused.
Beverly- Don’t think too hard Sparky, you know how that gives you migraines.
Beverly puts her arm around Chevy and they walk back to the RV.
Regina- Well we kidnapped Judd to open a John Hughes museum. Michael got into the van willingly and Molly came along as we lured her in with Pop Rocks. Then Emilio came along because it seemed better than the time he ended up in a dog collar. Then we started to wonder where you were……
Ally (sarcastically)- Oh sure.
Katherine- Never in my wildest dreams did I imagine finding you here. On a cat farm. In rural Kansas.
Molly (to Ally)- I thought you used to live in New York.
Ally- I did for a time.
Molly (to Ally)- Yeah and you used to travel all over the world.
Ally- I haven’t traveled in years. It’s hard with the cats as they need round the clock care.
Judd- Well sure.
Ally (to Katherine)- Tell me more about this John Hughes museum.
Katherine- Well we don’t actually have a museum yet. We still need to convince the public that we need one. Then beg for money to open it. That’s where all of you come in!
Ally- That sounds pretty ambitious.
Katherine- It does, doesn’t it!
Ally- I didn’t mean that positively.
Regina- I just realized that with Ally, The Breakfast Club is finally together again!
Judd- A banner moment. I might need to update my Facebook status. Oh wait, I can’t BECAUSE I DON’T HAVE A PHONE.
Emilio (to Judd)- Or a Facebook account, loser.
Molly- Guys, the last time we were all together was at the memorial for John Hughes.
Michael- Wow. That was like, forever ago.
Gedde- Well that’s kind of sad.
Ally- Oh alright, let me make a few phone calls, I know a few people who owe favors who can possibly cat sit.
Judd- Rob Lowe maybe?
Regina- Let’s go pull Valerie away from the cats.
They all head up to the cat barn, Ally starts making calls and Judd heads back to the RV to fill Chevy and Beverly in on their latest addition while the others get Valerie.
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