John Hughes, screenplay,
Chicago,  Humor,  John Hughes,  Screenplay

Don’t You Forget About Me- Scene Twelve “I’m Here For All of the Cats”

This week my mom shared with me an article that John Hughes’ widow has her current Lake Forest, Illinois home on the market. My mom and I commented on how her home was so cozy and down to earth for such a massive house. It felt warm and inviting, and that touched me. I know I will never get to meet Mrs. Hughes (even though I do via the screenplay; keep reading), I like to think she would be as warm and inviting as her home is.

This has nothing to do with the screenplay, but whenever Hughes News (that rhymed and made me very happy) appears in the papers around here, it makes me smile and I felt like sharing that with you.

Head here for all of the scenes in one guide in case you missed one!

 

John Hughes, screenplay,

Scene Twelve- “I’m Here for All of the Cats”

 

The group now consists of Judd Nelson, Molly Ringwald, Anthony Michael Hall, Emilio Estevez, Gedde Watanabe and the new additions of Chevy Chase and Beverly D’Angelo. Only they think they are Clark and Ellen Griswold. They are all riding in Clark and Ellen’s RV as their van broke down in Colorado. We meet up with everyone as they are on the road in Kansas, edging closer to Illinois.

Regina (to the group) – Who knew Kansas was really long.

John (to the group) – And really boring.

Katherine (to the group) – And really flat.

Judd (to John, Katherine, and Regina)- You just described in detail, my last girlfriend.

Chevy (to Judd) – Aww, that’s not nice son!

Judd (to Chevy) – Quit calling me son.

Valerie (yelling while looking out the window) – Kansas JUST GOT INTERESTING! Look!!

Out the window, they see a billboard for World’s Largest Cat Farm 10 miles down the road 

Regina (to Valerie) – Why Val? Just. Why?

Chevy (to Regina) – The World’s Largest Cat Farm is a must-see, Regina!

Judd (to the group) – Uhh guys?

Valerie (to Chevy) – You and I are soul mates Chevy!

Judd (to the group) – I think “cat farm” is code for something else.

Gedde (to Judd) – Like?

Judd (to Gedde) – “Whore house”.

Katherine (to Judd) – You’re thinking of cat house. Not a cat farm.

Valerie (to Katherine) – How come you know so much about whorehouses Kate?

Katherine (to Valerie) – HBO.

The RV pulls down a long gravel road and turn into a driveway with a sign in the yard WORLD’S LARGEST (and only!) CAT FARM. They park the RV in the grass and everyone gets out to stretch their legs. Valerie runs up to the door of the farmhouse and knocks. A woman in her early 50’s answers the door. 

Woman (to Valerie) – May I help you?

Valerie (rubbing her hands together, to the woman) – I’m here for all of the cats!

Woman (to Valerie) – Excuse me? Do I know you?

Valerie (to the woman) – I saw your sign? By the highway? Oh wait, this isn’t one of them whorehouses is it?

Woman (to Valerie) – NO!

Valerie (to the woman) – Oh good, Judd Nelson just informed me of what a cat house REALLY is on the way in.

Woman (to Valerie) – Huh?

Valerie (to the woman) – Because I’m not interested in all of the sex. Just the cats.

Woman (to Valerie) – What did you just say?

Valerie (to the woman) – That came out wrong. I DON’T WANT TO HAVE SEX WITH YOUR CATS.

Woman (to Valerie) – No, no, you said Judd Nelson told you about a cat house?

Valerie (to the woman) – He probably knows because he looks like a sex offender.

Woman (to Valerie) – THE Judd Nelson?

Valerie (to the woman) – Yes.

Woman (to Valerie) – Interesting.

Valerie (to the woman) – But don’t say anything because it’s kind of a secret that he’s here.

Woman (to Valerie) – Your secret is safe with me.

Valerie (to the woman) – Hey, you got that grumpy cat here?

Woman (to Valerie) – No.

Valerie (to the woman) – Yeah, I thought it’d be a long shot.

The woman walks Valerie over to the cat barn then excuses herself to investigate the RV. She creeps toward the group, hiding behind bushes and trees to get a closer look

Emilio (to the group) – Do you get the feeling someone is watching us?

Molly (to Emilio) – ALL OF THE TIME, Emilio!

Katherine (to the group) – I just got a chill.

Beverly (to Katherine) – That’s because it is a bit chilly out here. Let me get you a cardigan, Audrey.

Beverly walks into the RV

Judd (to Katherine) – Did she just call you Audrey?

John (to Judd) – Now I just got a chill.

Gedde (to the group) – I’m getting a weird vibe too.

Michael (to the group) – That’s probably because there is a lady watching our every move from behind that tree over there.

Judd (to the group) – I don’t see anything.

John (to the group) – OOH I do see her! In between the clay Garfield and the plastic Morris.

Emilio (to the group)-And just like that, she’s gone.

Molly (to no one in particular) – Creepy.

Katherine (to the group) – This place is like a house of horrors. Only with cats.

Beverly comes out of the RV and hands Kate a sweater and there’s a slightly awkward silence as Katherine nods thank you

Gedde (pointing in the direction of the farmhouse, to the group) – There she is again!

Michael (yelling toward the lady) – OH CREEPY CAT LAAADY? WE COME IN PEACE. WE ONLY WANT TO SEE THE CATS!

Judd (to himself) – Holy shit, this isn’t for real.

Molly (to the group) – Are we sure it isn’t just a really large cat? I mean HELLO, Cat Farm?

Woman (to Molly) – Molly? Is that you?

Molly (to the group) – Did that cat just call my name?

Woman (to Molly) – It’s me!

Molly (to herself) – This is where I am going to die. I just know it.

Woman (to Molly) – Molly Ringwald!

Molly (to the lady) – LISTEN! I HAVE CHEVY CHASE THAT THINKS HE’S CLARK GRISWOLD AND I’M NOT AFRAID TO USE HIM!

Chevy (to Molly) – Hey!

Woman (to Molly) – It’s just me! Ally! Ally Sheedy?

Michael (to himself) – Whoa.

Molly (to the group) – Ally Sheedy, why does that name sound so familiar?

Katherine (to Molly) – Really?

Judd (to the group) – I did NOT see that one coming.

Molly (to Judd) – A cat that knows my name? Well, of course, no one saw that coming.

Ally Sheedy walks toward the group

Molly (to Ally) – Oh I remember you!

Ally (to Molly) – I can’t believe you’re here at my farm!

Molly (to Ally, with her nose turned up) – Neither can I.

Emilio (to Ally) – You own a cat farm? In Kansas?

Ally (to Emilio) – It’s really a hobby farm, long story.

Judd (to Ally) – And a page turner, I am sure.

Katherine hits Judd 

Ally (to the group) – So what are all of you doing here?   In Kansas?   Together?

Michael (to Ally) – Even longer story.

Molly (to herself) – Much more interesting than the cat farm story, I’m sure.

Katherine (to Ally) – Ally Sheedy, are you able to get away for a week or two?

Judd (to Katherine) – I don’t know Kate. What about the cats??

Ally (to Judd) – Sure Judd, be condescending about my cat farm when an entire John Hughes production is standing on my front lawn looking and smelling like shit.

Chevy (to the group) – Why does everyone keep bringing up John Hughes? I’m so confused.

Beverly (to Chevy) – Don’t think too hard Sparky, you know how that gives you migraines.

Beverly puts her arm around Chevy and they walk back to the RV

Regina (to Ally) – Well we kidnapped Judd to open a John Hughes museum.  Michael got into the van willingly and Molly came along because the others were in on it. Then Emilio came along and we started to wonder where you were……

Katherine (to Ally) – Never in my wildest dreams did I imagine finding you here. On a cat farm. In rural Kansas.

Michael (to Ally) – I thought you used to live in New York.

Ally (to Michael) – I did for a time.

Molly (to Ally) – Yeah and didn’t you used to travel all over the world?

Ally (to Molly) – I haven’t traveled in years. It’s hard with the cats as they need round the clock care.

Judd (to Ally) – Well sure.

Ally (to the group) – Tell me more about this John Hughes museum.

Katherine (to Ally) – Well we don’t actually have a museum yet. We still need to convince the public that we need one. Then beg for money to open it. That’s where all of you come in!

Ally (to Katherine) – That sounds pretty ambitious.

Katherine (to Ally) – It does, doesn’t it!

Ally (to Katherine) – I didn’t mean that positively.

Regina (to the group) – Wow, I just realized that with Ally, The Breakfast Club is finally together again!

Judd (to the group) – A banner moment. I might need to update my Facebook status. Oh wait, I can’t because I DON’T HAVE A PHONE.

Emilio (to Judd) – Or a Facebook account, loser.

Molly (to the group) – You know, the last time we were all together like this was at the memorial for John Hughes.

Michael (to the group) – Wow. That was about 10 years ago.

Gedde (to the group) – Well that’s kind of sad.

John (to the group) – Yeah.

Ally (to the group) – Oh alright, let me make a few phone calls, I know a few people who owe me favors who could possibly cat sit.

Judd (to Ally) – Rob Lowe maybe?

Regina (to the group) – Let’s go pull Valerie away from the cats.

They all head up to the cat barn, Ally starts making calls and Judd heads back to the RV to fill Chevy and Beverly in on their new addition.

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I love to write about my family, John Hughes, tacos and Bruce Hornsby. Not necessarily in that order.

6 Comments

  • Andrea

    “Clay Garfield and plastic Morris” ? and every single Judd Nelson line is spot on Bender!! I would totally load up on antihistamines and laugh in the face of my cat allergy to be with them. I want the movie-i want the museum-i want the movie playing at the museum! Thank you for giving us something so grand in the midst of such….not!
    Andrea recently posted…Random stillMy Profile

    • Kari

      SO WOULD I.
      I wish we were ALL in the RV with them.
      It’s safe, it’s fun, and it’s perpetually 1985.

      Thank you so much for continually reading, feeding my ego, and making me feel like this isn’t ridiculous.

    • Kari

      I have decided that if none of the real celebrities want to play these parts, I will use people in my life. From here on out, you have the part of Ally Sheedy.
      Also, save them for Monday’s because then I get to read your comments on a Monday as well. 🙂

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