On July 21st, I will be attending my 30-year high school reunion at my rural Ohio high school. It will be full of fun things like seeing old teachers, visiting old schools, seeing old classmates. Lots of old stuff to make me feel less old or conversely, even older. Let’s just say its gonna be a grand old time.
Six years ago, I wrote about my upcoming 25-year high school reunion and a bucket list I created to tie in with that momentous occasion. Why I felt the need to put such pressure on myself during a banner year, I’ll never know.
Then six months after I wrote the first post, I wrote a second post about how I failed the first list.
Through editing old posts and such, I have come to realize something about myself as I get older: five years younger me had way more energy and enthusiasm than five years older me.
Five years older me is shaking my head at five years younger me if only because I had the time to make a bucket list in the first place.
And honestly, I like five years older me a lot more than five years younger me. Maybe it’s called growth or maturity or maybe I like ganging up on younger me because I was kind of annoying. It’s okay, you can say it too because I was annoying. But you probably were too.
So older me decided to throw down the gauntlet to younger me: talk about what I didn’t do before my 30-year high school reunion. Maybe I will recreate this list until I die. Maybe I won’t. Younger me would NOT like the uncertainty of that last statement. Older me is good with it.
I went through my original list and am addressing all of the things I wanted to do (most of which I didn’t), and adding in a few because I am much wiser now.
Maybe not wiser, definitely wise-assier.
25 Things I Won’t Be Doing Before My 30 Year High School Reunion Plus Five More
1-Go whitewater rafting. I don’t understand most of the contents of this list, but to start off the list with this is incomprehensible to me.
2-Take an airplane ride all by myself. WAS I, LIKE, 10 WHEN I WROTE THE FIRST LIST??
3- Run a 5K. Apparently, I was running when I made the first list. I’m not now.
4- Eat sushi. You will be happy to know that I have had sushi twice since 2012 and I still hate it.
5- Following through on everything I do. Can we stop writing this list and go get tacos?
6- Drink a tequila shot. Five years younger me must have never tried a Jack and Coke before this. Much better than a tequila shot.
7- Get a spa facial. Boom, done! MUCH better than sushi.
8- Get a bikini wax. I really don’t care if my vagina regions aren’t hairy, and neither should you.
9- Become a more patient person. As of 2012. I had not experienced a hot flash, anxiety attack, or migraine to the point of hysterical crying. So eff you, impatient 2012 Kari.
10- Save at least 1000 dollars blah blah blah. Was I rich in 2012?
11- Relive my love for winter skiing. I did in 2015 and I realized this: I will never relive my love for winter skiing. It was fun while it lasted. Youth is wasted on the young. Pass the Icy Hot.
12- Go on a mom and daughter overnight trip with my tween before the mom loathing phase kicks in. My heart just thumped a few extra beats writing that one. I have since done this several times, including the recent trip to LA with just her and I. It was amazing, exciting, a tiny bit scary, and I cannot wait to do it with her again.
13- Pay off 1/4 of my debt. I will die with debt. Move on.
14- Lose that extra 10 pounds. See #26.
15- Write something meaningful on the walls of my 120 Facebook friends. Well, I now have well over 350 Facebook friends as well as a part-time job, and this blog. Plus, I don’t even really know like, 50 of my FB friends and really don’t like an additional 50 either, so this isn’t high on my priority list. ALTHOUGH, it didn’t say I had to write something nice. Maybe I will share idiotic gifs to all my Facebook friends walls instead.
16- Try to meet a new friend in each area of my life and don’t give up after the first try. Why was I so desperate to meet people/and or please people in 2012? I am starting to loathe 2012 Kari.
17- Learn to sew. Why?
18- Eat a Chicago-style hot dog. Again, why?
19- Volunteer in a soup kitchen or food bank. I have since volunteered at Feed My Starving Children a handful of times, bound books at Bernie’s Book Bank and donate to PADS (Public Action to Deliver Shelter) through our church. I am always down for stuff like this and NOT just because I am going to a high school reunion. #firstworldproblems
20- Redo our master bath under $150. It got done, and it is a good idea but why before my 25th high school reunion? Was the reunion being held IN my bathroom?
21- Go on an overnight getaway with my husband. Back in 2012. I used to refer to my husband on here as my “hubs”. I also referred to friends as “besties”. Okay, I really loathe 2012 me. So we haven’t had the chance to get away alone since Ella was born, almost 11 years ago. We need this for our marriage, so we are going to try to do this soon. But I am the same one that mentioned doing this six years ago, and yet here we still are.
22- Read the bible. Cover to cover. WHO THE HELL WAS I IN 2012?
23- Run three times a week. Rain, sleet, snow, shine. WHO THE HELL WAS I IN 2012?
24- Watch less television. That’s just silly talk.
25- Learn how to grill. WHO THE HELL WAS I IN 2012?
I think we can all admit that was kind of a stupid list. Why would any of those things be important to the attending of my 25th high school reunion? I think we also can admit, that having a website or blog can humble the shit out of you. Side note- I rarely if ever delete old posts because it’s not good for your Google ranking. But if I had a free pass, that one would be one of the posts I delete.
Here are my 2018 additions for my 30th reunion. Things that won’t be getting done before July 21st.
26- Losing weight. Menopause is a bitch and you know what else is a bitch? Having high school reunions in five-year increments DURING menopause. Because it’s wonderful to know that the people who knew me when I was most vulnerable get to see me aging not at all gracefully. Makes my blog title kind of ironic, doesn’t it?
27- Take a social media break. I really should take a break because there will be lots of unflattering pictures taken at the reunion I am sure. But I will probably want to reconnect with some of the new friends I “meet” at the reunion even though I’ve known them for over 40 plus years. Then snooze them after a week because I realize again why I didn’t talk to them in the first place.
28- Get all dolled up. I remember before my 10-year reunion, I went tanning for the first time in my life. I didn’t even go tanning before either of my high school proms because if we are being honest, I hated high school. So much so that I specifically looked outside of my high school for a boyfriend. Recently, I found a picture of me and my high school best friend (or bestie, ala 2012 Kari) from our graduation practice at the high school. I essentially wore summer pajamas to it because I COULD GIVE TWO POOPS. So why I cared to make an impression on people I could possibly never see again because no social media in 1998, is beyond me. Now, however, GAME ON. I won’t go tanning, but I might go to Old Navy and get a new top. Hell, I might even buy lipstick.
29- Get my resume in order. Not a physical resume, but rather a schpeel of sorts. After my 10-year, I can remember so many people rattling off what they were doing, working, raising blah blah blah. I was working as a department manager at Kohls at my ten-year, and I made it sound like I was running the damn company. I don’t plan on doing that at my 30-year. I might even tell everyone that I train hamsters in my basement or that I invented Post-Its.
30- Lie. This time, we are allowed to include our children in the reunion festivities, which I really love. Because there’s nothing like children to keep you honest. I am sure by 9 o clock on July 21st, my entire high school class will know that “my mom drinks wine when she is stressed out“. and “watches Real Housewives of New York City and yells at the tv because Ramona is being a whore while eating bean burritos“. That’s okay, payback will be a bitch at her wedding during speeches.
It’s great to be alive.