high school, reunion, high school reunion, 30 years
Childhood,  Humor,  Life

Things I Didn’t Do Before My 30-Year High School Reunion

 

On July 21st, I will be attending my 30-year high school reunion at my rural Ohio high school. It will be full of fun things like seeing old teachers, visiting old schools, seeing old classmates. Lots of old stuff to make me feel less old or conversely, even older. Let’s just say its gonna be a grand old time.

Six years ago, I wrote about my upcoming 25-year high school reunion and a bucket list I created to tie in with that momentous occasion. Why I felt the need to put such pressure on myself during a banner year, I’ll never know.

Then six months after I wrote the first post, I wrote a second post about how I failed the first list.

Through editing old posts and such, I have come to realize something about myself as I get older: five years younger me had way more energy and enthusiasm than five years older me.

WAY more.

Five years older me is shaking my head at five years younger me if only because I had the time to make a bucket list in the first place.

And honestly, I like five years older me a lot more than five years younger me. Maybe it’s called growth or maturity or maybe I like ganging up on younger me because I was kind of annoying. It’s okay, you can say it too because I was annoying. But you probably were too.

So older me decided to throw down the gauntlet to younger me: talk about what I didn’t do before my 30-year high school reunion. Maybe I will recreate this list until I die. Maybe I won’t. Younger me would NOT like the uncertainty of that last statement. Older me is good with it.

I went through my original list and am addressing all of the things I wanted to do (most of which I didn’t), and adding in a few because I am much wiser now.

Maybe not wiser, definitely wise-assier.

25 Things I Won’t Be Doing Before My 30 Year High School Reunion Plus Five More 

1-Go whitewater rafting. I don’t understand most of the contents of this list, but to start off the list with this is incomprehensible to me.

2-Take an airplane ride all by myself. WAS I, LIKE, 10 WHEN I WROTE THE FIRST LIST??

3- Run a 5K.  Apparently, I was running when I made the first list. I’m not now.

4- Eat sushi. You will be happy to know that I have had sushi twice since 2012 and I still hate it.

5- Following through on everything I do. Can we stop writing this list and go get tacos?

6- Drink a tequila shot. Five years younger me must have never tried a Jack and Coke before this. Much better than a tequila shot.

7- Get a spa facial. Boom, done! MUCH better than sushi.

8- Get a bikini wax. I really don’t care if my vagina regions aren’t hairy, and neither should you.

9- Become a more patient person. As of 2012. I had not experienced a hot flash, anxiety attack, or migraine to the point of hysterical crying. So eff you, impatient 2012 Kari.

10- Save at least 1000 dollars blah blah blah. Was I rich in 2012?

11- Relive my love for winter skiing. I did in 2015 and I realized this: I will never relive my love for winter skiing. It was fun while it lasted. Youth is wasted on the young. Pass the Icy Hot.

12- Go on a mom and daughter overnight trip with my tween before the mom loathing phase kicks in. My heart just thumped a few extra beats writing that one. I have since done this several times, including the recent trip to LA with just her and I. It was amazing, exciting, a tiny bit scary, and I cannot wait to do it with her again.

13- Pay off 1/4 of my debt. I will die with debt. Move on.

14- Lose that extra 10 pounds. See #26.

15- Write something meaningful on the walls of my 120 Facebook friends. Well, I now have well over 350 Facebook friends as well as a part-time job, and this blog. Plus, I don’t even really know like, 50 of my FB friends and really don’t like an additional 50 either, so this isn’t high on my priority list. ALTHOUGH, it didn’t say I had to write something nice. Maybe I will share idiotic gifs to all my Facebook friends walls instead.

16- Try to meet a new friend in each area of my life and don’t give up after the first try. Why was I so desperate to meet people/and or please people in 2012? I am starting to loathe 2012 Kari.

17- Learn to sew. Why?

18- Eat a Chicago-style hot dog. Again, why?

19- Volunteer in a soup kitchen or food bank. I have since volunteered at Feed My Starving Children a handful of times, bound books at Bernie’s Book Bank and donate to PADS (Public Action to Deliver Shelter) through our church. I am always down for stuff like this and NOT just because I am going to a high school reunion. #firstworldproblems

20- Redo our master bath under $150. It got done, and it is a good idea but why before my 25th high school reunion? Was the reunion being held IN my bathroom?

21- Go on an overnight getaway with my husband. Back in 2012. I used to refer to my husband on here as my “hubs”. I also referred to friends as “besties”. Okay, I really loathe 2012 me.  So we haven’t had the chance to get away alone since Ella was born, almost 11 years ago. We need this for our marriage, so we are going to try to do this soon. But I am the same one that mentioned doing this six years ago, and yet here we still are.

22- Read the bible. Cover to cover. WHO THE HELL WAS I IN 2012?

23- Run three times a week. Rain, sleet, snow, shine. WHO THE HELL WAS I IN 2012?

24- Watch less television. That’s just silly talk.

25- Learn how to grill. WHO THE HELL WAS I IN 2012?

 

I think we can all admit that was kind of a stupid list. Why would any of those things be important to the attending of my 25th high school reunion? I think we also can admit, that having a website or blog can humble the shit out of you. Side note- I rarely if ever delete old posts because it’s not good for your Google ranking. But if I had a free pass, that one would be one of the posts I delete.

Here are my 2018 additions for my 30th reunion. Things that won’t be getting done before July 21st. 

 

26- Losing weight. Menopause is a bitch and you know what else is a bitch? Having high school reunions in five-year increments DURING menopause. Because it’s wonderful to know that the people who knew me when I was most vulnerable get to see me aging not at all gracefully. Makes my blog title kind of ironic, doesn’t it?

27- Take a social media break. I really should take a break because there will be lots of unflattering pictures taken at the reunion I am sure. But I will probably want to reconnect with some of the new friends I “meet” at the reunion even though I’ve known them for over 40 plus years. Then snooze them after a week because I realize again why I didn’t talk to them in the first place.

28- Get all dolled up. I remember before my 10-year reunion, I went tanning for the first time in my life. I didn’t even go tanning before either of my high school proms because if we are being honest, I hated high school. So much so that I specifically looked outside of my high school for a boyfriend. Recently, I found a picture of me and my high school best friend (or bestie, ala 2012 Kari) from our graduation practice at the high school. I essentially wore summer pajamas to it because I COULD GIVE TWO POOPS. So why I cared to make an impression on people I could possibly never see again because no social media in 1998, is beyond me. Now, however, GAME ON. I won’t go tanning, but I might go to Old Navy and get a new top. Hell, I might even buy lipstick.

29- Get my resume in order. Not a physical resume, but rather a schpeel of sorts. After my 10-year, I can remember so many people rattling off what they were doing, working, raising blah blah blah. I was working as a department manager at Kohls at my ten-year, and I made it sound like I was running the damn company. I don’t plan on doing that at my 30-year. I might even tell everyone that I train hamsters in my basement or that I invented Post-Its.

via GIPHY

30- Lie. This time, we are allowed to include our children in the reunion festivities, which I really love. Because there’s nothing like children to keep you honest. I am sure by 9 o clock on July 21st, my entire high school class will know that “my mom drinks wine when she is stressed out“. and “watches Real Housewives of New York City and yells at the tv because Ramona is being a whore while eating bean burritos“. That’s okay, payback will be a bitch at her wedding during speeches.

It’s great to be alive.

 

 

I love to write about my family, John Hughes, tacos and Bruce Hornsby. Not necessarily in that order.

20 Comments

  • Jessie

    You are brave. I love that about you. I’ve never been to one of my high school reunions nor did I go with my husband to his. I’m already planning wedding speeches in my head. 🤣 although she swears she’ll never marry. The little tormenter.

    • Kari Wagner Hoban

      I’ve actually only gone to one- my ten year.
      Yes, I wrote a bucket list for a reunion I never attended. Turns out it was during my vacation so I never got to go.
      Also, if our kids don’t get married, let’s just have a party and use our speeches there.

  • Rita

    Well, I also love 2018 Kari more than 2012 Kari, but I love them both. When I think about the things that occupied my brain and energy in 2012, I cringe a lot. TBH (a little piece of alphabet shorthand that 2023 Rita will likely cringe at 2018 Rita using), I miss caring about those things because the things that occupy my brain and energy these days are so much harder to carry. So, I cringe but I also feel a little tender about 2012 Rita. She was trying really hard, bless her heart, and she was kinda sweet in the way 1983 Rita was sweet. Stupid, maybe, but sweet.

    What I found at my 30 year reunion was a whole lot of love and a chance to recover from some of the misery otherwise known as high school. (Wrote about that here: https://www.purpleclover.com/relationships/1035-reunion/). I hope you go and have a fabulous time. I had never attended any reunions before that one, and it was just mind-blowing in so many (mostly good) ways.

    Go! Have fun! Laugh! Cry! Laugh so hard you wet your pants a little and then cry about your decreased bladder control. And then come back here and tell us all about it–so I can laugh so hard I pee a little, too. 🙂
    Rita recently posted…7-Day Book Challenge: Turn Not Pale, Beloved SnailMy Profile

    • Kari Wagner Hoban

      GOD YES. Hell, I miss 2015 Kari. Sigh.
      I joke here but I honestly cannot wait.
      My dear friend is planning it and it is full of nostalgia and visits to old schools.
      I think I will be crying a lot more than I would like to admit.
      And I will tell alllllll. 🙂

  • Mrs K @ Mrs Kringle's Kitchen

    HA! Good list and revisions. I’ve never been to a reunion and no desire. Remember Classmates.com? Back then you had to hope people you liked signed up so you could do recon on them but with Facebook, almost everyone is on there and you can check up and go “yeah, this is why I don’t do reunions.” The ones that aren’t on there remain a mystery and I like to make up stories about them and their exotic adventures…it’s probably much better than the truth. 😀
    Mrs K @ Mrs Kringle’s Kitchen recently posted…Frozen Banoffee TreatsMy Profile

    • Kari Wagner Hoban

      OMG, I REMEMBER CLASSMATES.COM. That was mindblowing back in 1998 and they are still around, for some unknown reason. Apparently, the creators of Classmates.com have never heard of Facebook.com.
      I can’t wait to write about it afterward. I might even make is short fiction. Stay tuned.

  • Florence

    Kari, this is hilarious! Love your humor. I only went to my 20 year & afterwards I wondered why I bothered. I only went to the daytime event. I didn’t go to the nighttime dance event. I heard the 10 year was all about everyone bragging about what they were doing. I hated high school too, so the last thing I wanted was go to a reunion. Now I really don’t care one way or the other. At the age of 66, I’ve accepted several things about myself…one of which is I will never be Chatty Cathy, LOL. The world revolves around chatty cathies.

  • Rebecca

    I’ve never gone to any of my class reunions. Some people travel all the way back to the PI to attend a reunion. If I lived there would I have gone? Hmmmm. That’s a good question.
    PS Wear something red.
    Before I go, #22? Who the hell were you in 2012??
    Rebecca recently posted…NecessityMy Profile

  • Hannah

    I’ve been absent from blogs for about 8 months so I have so much to catch up on. I started with this post, and I effing love it so much. I can’t believe that OG list was from 6 years ago. I REMEMBER that post. How has it been 6 years?? All I can say is that 2012 Hannah was also annoying too, and I hope to chill out more and more the older I get. Excuse the language, but you just run out of f*cks to give, you know?

  • Andrea

    Wow-who ere you indeed? Did you even eat m&m’s back then? You didn’t even know there would be all pink starburst in a bag one day. You were really going to have some hot topics to discuss with your classmates-super enchanting stuff about your white water rafting and bible verses 😂 Your elevator pitch this time is that YOU ARE A SCREENWRITER!!!!!
    Andrea recently posted…Happier CamperMy Profile

  • Ani Kay

    Something about blogging makes us want to make lists of so many things before that number of another thing happens. I was thinking about doing a 38 before 38, since I just turned 37. I was telling someone this and they, not being a blogger, were like ‘what is that?’ so I told them I wanted to make a list of 38 things I was going to accomplish before I turned 38, and they were ‘Ew, why? That’s a lot of things!’ LOL

    I LOVE the idea of a list of things you’re not going to do. So damn liberating!!
    Ani Kay recently posted…When the Going Gets Tough, the Tough Get Gilmore – My Gilmore Girls ObsessionMy Profile

    • Kari Wagner Hoban

      That is so funny, “eww, why?”. That’s how I feel about blogging sometimes, summed up in a statement. LOL

      I actually have an idea for another post that has been sitting in the hopper forever: bucket list things I never want to do.

      Coming soon to a laptop (OR DESKTOP, WINK), near you!

  • Pam

    I’m not sure how I haven’t found your blog before, but I’m glad I did today (at the SITS Saturday Sharefest.) I’m 61 so hope to be skinnier and more relaxed at the next reunion. I hated high school too. At my 20th reunion, I mostly just sought out former classmates from elementary school and talked about that. Then I skipped the next ones. Also, I had one spa facial ten years ago, and the girl broke a bunch of capillaries in my face! Thanks for the fun this morning!
    Pam recently posted…A Pink Typewriter (and Why You Should Get One)My Profile

    • Kari Wagner Hoban

      I am so glad you found me!!

      So my reunion was last weekend and it wasn’t as bad as I thought but I knew it would be fun because my down to earth friend planned it. SO much fun seeing old teachers, friends, and schools.

      OMG, I have never heard of that happening after a facial!! Did you get a refund??

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