Craft,  Dollar Tree,  Humor

Dollar Tree-Ish Floral Pumpkin

Consider this part of a series of posts that have nothing to do with reality because reality is really overrated at this juncture. You can count on plenty of nonsensical topics, swear words by the gallon, and gifs. There is a lot of fuckery going on right now, welcome home. If I lost you at “fuckery”, this isn’t gonna be your kind of blog. Move along. 

I say ish because when I first found this project inspiration, I knew I could do it using only Dollar Tree items!

OH MY GAWD, I AM BACK!

I even tweeted Dollar Tree to suggest that I should style their endcaps for them because of my Dollar Tree renewal.

OH MY GAWD, I AM BACK!

Dollar Tree’s response?

via GIPHY

Undeterred, I hit my local Dollar Tree to find the items for this project:

Pumpkin Succulent Harvest | Best DIY Fall Centerpiece Ideas | FarmFoodFamily.com
Head to this link to read the original post: https://farmfoodfamily.com/diy-fall-centerpiece-ideas/

I knew that Dollar Tree had fake pumpkins and also succulents as well as that moss that gets all over the damn place.

I could TOTALLY make this!

With fake plants, not real ones.

Because we don’t have enough disposable income to do this with live plants.

Puleeze.

via GIPHY

So I head to my local ‘Tree to not only to find THE worst colored pumpkins I have ever seen (JUST.WAIT.) but also NOT find the succulents and moss that I damn sure know was there like, two weeks ago.

What the fuckety fuck fuck?

Then I got all conspiracy theorist and was yelling under my breath, so brelling, “those damn DIY bloggers have made it to the north suburbs”.

via GIPHY

I needed a different plan.

So I grabbed one of the hideous colored pumpkins, and some floral foam that I didn’t end up using but will be in my basement until they clean it out to send me to the home. BUT IT’S ONLY A DOLLAR!!!

I considered heading to the next closest Dollar Tree which is a good 20-minute drive but I had real life stuff to do, so I went to Hobby Lobby five minutes away instead praying that it wasn’t gonna be one of those weeks where everything I want or need ISN’T on sale.

It was one of those weeks. 

This picture doesn’t do the ugliest pumpkin in the world justice.

So I found flower picks that were on sale and some that never go on sale: the green were 50% off and the purple hydrangeas were not.

I also got chalk acrylic paint and brushes (also not on sale) to cover the pumpkin.

I didn’t need the floral foam though because, for this project, we are jamming the flower picks into the hideous pumpkin.

We are calling this the “mental health” portion of this craft.

So I painted the pumpkin, or rather I should say, Ella, painted the pumpkin for me.

She did an amazing job; much better than I could ever do. How did I become a DIY blogger again?

Oh, that’s right, I’M NOT ONE.

It’s amazing what paint can do. We just don’t appreciate paint enough. I wish we could paint over things in life that just suck.

So because I don’t know what I am doing am not a DIY blogger, I didn’t take the crucial “action shot”.

The actual jamming in of said fake flowers into the fake pumpkin.

Here is my lovely assistant to show what you missed:

via GIPHY

When you’re done, you have this:

I cannot get a good picture of this to save my soul but you get a general idea. It’s pretty amazing AND it isn’t Halloweeny.

Which means you get to have this out all of fall, even before the actual advent of fall because it looks summery and fall.

So fallery.

Or sumall.

How much did my Dollar Tree-ish Fallery Pumpkin cost to create?

Pumpkin- 1.00 

Paint- .99

Fake flowers- 10.00 total 

Total cost- 11.99 (a good five dollars more than I wanted to spend) 

 

Maybe you should stab a fake pumpkin with fake flowers today. It might make things a lot better.

 

 

 

I love to write about my family, John Hughes, tacos and Bruce Hornsby. Not necessarily in that order.

14 Comments

    • Kari Wagner Hoban

      Fugly just isn’t used enough. Let’s make it our job to bring that to mainstream vocabulary in 2019.

      You can say the word fuck here any time.
      It’s a non-fuck free zone.
      Wait a minute……

      Also, I really could use that pontoon boat blogging thing with apple cider slushies. Maybe I should move to Ohio.

  • Ani Kay

    You’re so crafty! And yes, those DIY bloggers are up there with the extreme couponers! I moved back to CT recently, and totally forgot that the extreme couponers own this town! Whenever there is a sale, they clear the shelves. They legit bought ALL of the pumpkin spice creamer from ShopRite. I mean, that’s just spiteful. Leave some for the rest of us!

    I love the way this looks though, and you are so right, you can use it throughout the Fall!
    Ani Kay recently posted…Prague Was Nothing Like I ExpectedMy Profile

  • Marissa | Squirrels of a Feather

    Words cannot describe how much I love this! This post is pure literary perfection. I was rolling by the time I reached the cricket. Chirp chirp, boy do I know how that feels! <3 <3 <3 I know what you mean about not wanting to spend disposable income on real flowers…I mean, they’re just going to die right? I can’t believe I have only just found your blog…clearly I have been missing out. You have a new fan — pinning this and going to follow you on social media. Thanks for sharing at the Sits Linky!

  • Melanie

    Wow, that is really pretty! I am not crafty at all, so even “simple” (they are for other people, not me) crafts impress me.

    I wanted to comment on your muffin post, but I couldn’t find where to leave a comment on that post! (I know it’s probably me.) But anyway…we’ve been eating flaxseed (yes, ground! lol) and also chia seeds and hemp seeds for years. Not all at once. Otherwise, we’d have diarrhea. 😉 No need for things like Miralax – even on a low-carb diet – if you eat healthy in general. Lots of veggies and fibrous fruit (berries!) will keep your bowels healthy. 😉

    • Kari Wagner Hoban

      So I have been eating chia for the past two weeks and have slowly noticed an improvement. Plus it’s good for the heart, so I can use every little bit that helps.
      The reason you can’t comment is that the client requested it and since I am paid to write it, I agreed to do so.
      I eat healthily, I use chia, and I exercise six days per week but sometimes I do need a little extra help. 🙂

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

CommentLuv badge

+1
Pin3
Tweet
Share
Share8
11 Shares