A few years ago, I wrote a post about how titling blog posts is not an easy task and in the post mentioned how I almost titled that post, Screw It! I’m Eating Tater Tots.
I then said it might be the title of my someday autobiography.
Going forward, I might use this title for every post that doesn’t have a true meaning.
Random thoughts, nonsensical musings, and crap that doesn’t deserve its own blog post.
“Screw it, I’m eating tater tots!“, she was heard yelling from her kitchen when she couldn’t think of anything else to write.
It’s a gray January Monday.
We took Anna to college yesterday.
I have yet another headache.
Screw it, I’m Eating Tater Tots!
See how it works?
She’s Gone. Again.
We took Anna back to college yesterday after her being home for a month and it was hard. I knew it would be but I didn’t really realize how hard it was gonna be. I won’t go into a long paragraph of maternal sadness but let’s just say it is just too quiet around here and Ella agrees. When one of my birdies leaves the nest for a bit, the nest is very unsettled. The positive is that my child finished her first semester of college! And the even more positive is that she is thriving. I am so happy for her.
I think we need another emotional support hamster.
Since we’re being random, Nibbles is doing great, thanks for asking. He is also thriving.
Blood Work Update
I had my repeat blood work done and some of the numbers got worse, some got better, but as my doctor says, “we are not freaking out about this right now”. Because according to her, I am looking at it all wrong, which shouldn’t surprise any of us here. It needs to be a “journey” and not a quick weekend trip.
Meaning, I need to go back on low carb but I need to start with higher carb intake and work my way down as I go to find my weight loss sweet spot. So if that means 70 grams of carbs per day, then stay there. She also said I can cheat here and there if that helps me to stay there and not quit. But with gray skies, Anna away again, and just blah, I am not quite there yet.
It’s a journey, it’s a journey, it is a journey.
*Disclaimer- I am not doing keto which is all the rage in a bad way right now in the news. I am on a low-carb (see: low sugar) diet because I have some stuff in my blood that requires me to be on it NOT to lose weight. If I just needed to lose weight, I would be on Weight Watchers.
Low-carb diets are hard and did you know you don’t poop?
Low-carb isn’t hard just because I can’t eat massive quantities of bread and pasta among other things. It’s also not easy to figure out meals because unlike other diets, it requires almost solely meal planning, standing in the grocery aisles staring at food labels, entering numbers into an app to tabulate your carb totals. Then, for all this hard work, you are rewarded with NOT pooping.
I Just “Discovered” Amy Winehouse and That Says A Lot About Me
I found the documentary Amy on Netflix recently and I watched it alone one weeknight and fell in love with her and now I want to go see her in concert. But I can’t because she died seven years ago. So now I want to listen to all of the Amy Winehouse songs all of the time because oh my God, she is brilliant and I hate her husband and dad for essentially murdering her.
When she was alive, famous and making the rounds back in 2007, I wasn’t really feeling her because the media was making her out to be this joke due to her public drunkenness and drug use. Which says a lot about the power of media persuasiveness but I was also on a different path of my life; busy with a little seven-year-old and pregnant with another. I didn’t have time for drunk rich blues singers who I had nothing in common with.
But now, I do?
She had such a gift. If that doesn’t make you well up with tears while watching, the blues music will.
Here are my favorite Amy songs as of right now because blues goes really well with not eating low-carb, missing your birdy, and darkness at 4:30.
What is UP with July?
I was in the car the other day listening to a mix of different songs and I realized something: July is used in a lot of songs. Country songs especially but that month is tight when it comes to song lyrics.
A hot July day, a late July evening, a July Saturday night.
There is a website filled with songs who have the words “mid-July” in their lyrics.
Three pages of songs, to be exact.
And that’s only for the exact words. “mid-July”.
There’s also an article about the Top 11 Songs About July too.
Is July the favorite of all the summer months?
Do you have a favorite summer month? If I had to pick, it would be June.
Why I Left-Ish Facebook
From a blogging standpoint, it is the kiss of death as it pertains to page views. Pageviews= more readers and in turn, more monetary gain from my ads. But from a mental health standpoint, Facebook was killing me.
I have had a love/hate relationship with Facebook for many years. In fact, I left Facebook once before around 2011 or 2012. Just disappeared for a few months, and while yes, it was hard because I indeed felt like I was missing out at times, I didn’t really miss it.
I was furloughed from the job that paid me to write on Facebook back in November, which set this ball slowly in motion because for years, I didn’t feel like giving up a paid gig to take a mental health break because the thought of losing money wasn’t worth the gain in my feeling better about myself.
Read into that as you will. I am a work in progress….remember it’s the journey……
So I decided to stop sharing my posts to my blog’s Facebook page one Monday and didn’t tell anyone. I think it was about four posts ago and I noticed that the same amount of people are commenting, my page views were a little lighter because I got a lot of people who would read via Facebook so then I gave options on how to follow me without using Facebook and my views spiked again.
Not having the Facebook app staring at me in the face actually helps my anxiety in some weird way. Now I only access it via my laptop or when I get bored and have to sneak via Instagram but it’s not as good as the app so I’m not on it for long.
At the end of the day, I need to take care of my mental well-being. I need to protect myself from things that will most definitely hurt me. Protect relationships that have become toxic from becoming even more toxic. My anxiety won’t let me do this on my own, so I need to eliminate some of the toxic things by not having them in my feed daily.
Oh, and taking Messenger off of my phone was brilliant. Especially when I get five messages a day from people saying they got friend requests from me.
Are you taking social media breaks too? Tell me about your journey.
I got the worst damn migraine ever on the first day of 2019
Trying not to read into that but I think you know me well enough to know I am totally reading into that. I talked to my therapist about it and how I get really, REALLY depressed the days after a migraine and how I usually get “pain spirals” after a really bad one. (Pain spirals = weeks of pain after said migraine). She said I suffer from PTSD from my pain and that it is completely normal.
Pain is fucking terrible and when I get a bad migraine, I go to dark places. I feel like I will never get better, I feel like jumping off a cliff, I hate that I lose an entire day with my family because I am in bed. It’s bad. But I am working through it via therapy, diet, exercise, etc.. to try and not let it conquer me mentally.
But for real, way to start 2019.
Marie Kondo Show on Netflix Made me Cry
On New Years Day, while nursing a migraine, I began binge watching Tidying Up with Marie Kondo. Then my head got worse and I stopped and haven’t been able to return to watching it because of PTSD. I will return to it again after I get a good month between me and the soul-sucking migraine but until then, I know I watched enough to get the gist: get rid of stuff that doesn’t make you happy or “spark joy”.
And as much as people want to make fun of the concept, it makes perfect sense. Why be surrounded by things that don’t make you happy every day?
When you are only surrounded by things that create happiness or joy, you, in turn, are happier.
It kind of makes you slap yourself on the forehead, doesn’t it? Only we aren’t slapping our foreheads because of the migraine.
So last weekend, I just started throwing shit out.
Six bags of things that didn’t make me at all happy and were dragging me down, to be exact.
I did have a plan prior to the holidays to get rid of stuff and this was gonna be my mantra: would I keep this if I had to move?
Meaning, would I want to put it into a moving box, drag the box into a moving van, and haul it across states to move to a new life?
If you can’t get behind Marie Kondo’s movement, maybe that mantra will help.
Apparently, I am not taking a lot with me if I ever move anywhere.
So back to the show, I began to get really emotional (part of it could have been the migraine) about one part in particular: greeting the home.
When Marie enters a client’s home, before beginning the tidying up part, she greets the home; “thanking it for always protecting you.”
Maybe it was the soft sad music, maybe it was watching her greet the home, maybe it was when one of the first tidying up “customers” said, he never thought of thanking the home for all it provided, but I started to cry.
Not just get tears in my eyes but ugly cry.
For a solid minute and a half.
Because you know what? Our home does provide a lot of comforting, it protects us in ways we don’t even think about and we should be thanking it. Our home has seen so much of our lives; one could say almost all of our lives.
It shoulders a lot of good, and a lot of bad. We enter and exit it each day and don’t appreciate all that it holds for us.
I am always in the mode of how can I make my home better, how can it serve our family but really I need to start thinking of how I can serve it better.
Holy shit, did I pull a lot from a tidying show on Netflix.
How is your new year going? What do you need to vent about? Leave it in the comments like a dumpster fire. I got you.