Anxiety,  Humor,  Life

Screw It, I’m Eating Tater Tots- Part Two

In January, I started a new “segment” on the blog called Screw It, I’m Eating Tater Tots.

Only, I didn’t realize when I was writing that blog post that it would become a “segment”.

But I do have a lot of things going on in my life that don’t necessarily fit into one blog post.

Rando things that I don’t want to spend an entire twenty paragraphs talking about.

So they have become what I like to call, tot posts.

Tater tot, in nature.

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Is it 1982? Because my teeth are telling me yes.

I talked about this on Instagram back in November but I never told you on here: I got braces. I finally understand what a midlife crisis is every time I look in the mirror because braces on my teeth at the age of 48 is my version of a red Ferrari.

Maybe it was because Anna had just gone away to college and I needed to feel young again but I made the decision kind of split like and thank GOD Mike went along with it because I may have gone Fried Green Tomatoes on his ass had he tried to intervene.

Courtesy of eaytaz on Tumblr

Long story medium, I was at Ella’s orthodontic check-up in August and the hygienist and I got to talking. I mentioned that I had never had braces because my dentist had said I didn’t need them back when I was a teenager.

Side story-this was back in the 80s when braces were all the rage and tee shirts that said Tin Grins are In were also all the rage. Me being the fashionista that I was needed one of those damn tee shirts. But I was denied my tin grin so a tee shirt I didn’t get.

Fast forward to my late forties and I decided to right that wrong when it was suggested that I should make an ortho consultation.

OKAY!!!

I should also say we were just getting off the hook paying braces for the first time in over five years: first with Anna then a year break, then Ella. But after the consultation, it was recommended that my mouth was a hot steaming mess (my words) and that I really should have braces. Not the metal kind but rather Invisalign because my orthodontist needed to go on a cruise with his wife and many children this year.

I KID.

It actually worked out to be half-price cheaper than metal braces because of Ella and her braces. I knew there was a reason for getting the kids’ braces.

I KID.

So here is the first day in my braces on November 1:

 

See how my tongue sticks out? That has been how I have smiled for years because it turns out my teeth bow out and I compensate for the gap. Not sure if that is because of my tongue sticking out or my tongue sticking out is because of my teeth bowing out. Chicken or egg? Egg or chicken?

But four months in and that isn’t happening as much:

 

 

I am on track to have my Ferrari braces for a year and a half. I am so gonna look like a supermodel.

 

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Weight Watchers has left the building

 

In January, I decided to bite the bullet and start low carb again. But soon after, I began a three-week migraine regiment; that means I had a migraine for three solid weeks. I was told by my doctor at a regular checkup that low carb sometimes causes headaches because of sugar withdrawal.

So I stopped low carb and did nothing but stress eat because of headaches.

Then I read my friend Ani’s blog about how she was loving Weight Watchers and I decided to back on Weight Watchers. I had done it before and had success but then tried it again two years after and lost nothing. But I needed to lose because I am embarrassing to myself. I don’t care what others say, I don’t like how I look right now.

So I bit the bullet yet again and bought the app but only for a three month period. Just get me to spring, that’s all.

I was on it for two weeks and weighed in: I hadn’t lost one damn pound.

So then I was waiting in my therapist office reading a magazine and saw information about high fiber diets. Good for things like heart, colons, cancer, and I thought, okay I am trying this. At this point, eating salad for lunch and Oreos for dinner wasn’t working YES I KNOW I AM DOING IT WRONG. I also decided on my own that I need to eat at least three veggies a day, two-three fruits a day, lots of water, and exercise six days a week. I make sure I get AT LEAST 10,000 steps a day and I need to be on the treadmill to burn at least 200 calories a day when I am doing the above exercising.

So I have a Weight Watchers app that I am not using because it is more expensive to quit altogether than it is to pay for the app until April 1.

Oh, and by the way, I lost four pounds in one week on the new “lifestyle”.

So far so good but now I just need to find a high fiber whole grain tater tot that doesn’t taste like shit.

I get shots for my head now, so there’s that

 

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Not those kind of shots.

You know my migraine story if you’ve been reading here for a while, so I won’t bore you with details. If you are new, head here and spiral down.

So I was on migraine prevention #3 this winter which was a blood pressure medication called Verapamil when I got the migraine that would not go away again. I should say that I had been on this for almost two years and it seemed like it was working so this downfall was frustrating. My neurologist got me in immediately when I sent her a weepy, woe is me email mid-January in my migraine-induced stress hormone lack of estrogen winter haze.

She said that she wanted me to start taking these freshly FDA approved injections once a month instead of my three pills per day regime.

You have me intrigued…..

So since January, I have been giving myself one shot in my tummy once per month and weaning off of my Verapamil slowly.

The weaning has been no joke, let me tell you. The side effects were tough but say a prayer, I am off it for almost a week now and I want to stay off of it because taking blood pressure meds three times a day when you don’t have high blood pressure but you do have migraines, sucks.

I don’t want to say how my migraines are doing since starting the injections because I feel like as soon as I put it into the Universe, it will reverse on me.

Let’s just say:

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The best gift ever

I can’t believe I didn’t even talk about this on the blog until March but Mike had my screenplay printed and bound as a Christmas gift to me!

When I was writing my screenplay two years ago, my husband was working from home. He had his “office” in the basement but usually, he would bring his work laptop upstairs and sit in the dining room or kitchen and we would work alongside each other. So a lot of what was written in the screenplay was bounced off of him, which is how he became my unofficial “editor”.

The great thing was that while writing it, we would reminisce about old John Hughes movies, or randomly throw out movie quotes throughout the day:

DOES BARRY MANILOW KNOW YOU RAID HIS WARDROBE?

GO FIX ME A TURKEY POTPIE!

SORRY FOLKS, PARKS CLOSED. MOOSE OUTSIDE SHOULDA TOLD YA. 

Never once did he say, you know what? This screenplay probably won’t become anything. Or that’s kind of silly. Who in the hell rents a large van at LAX? Or Judd Nelson would never be stabilized with feminine care products.

But he didn’t. He encouraged me and even helped me with plot lines. The cat farm? His idea. So this gift meant a lot for many reasons.

And look how thick it is!

 

Those are all of my words!

Even if it never gets made into anything, just knowing I did this and that he printed it, makes me smile.

Then Luke Perry died

 

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I have talked about my love for the television show Beverly Hills 90210 many times here so it is not a surprise that I was really sad about Luke Perry’s death. Like, standing in my kitchen crying, sad.

Random (HELLO, TATER TOT POST), I made THE most excellent sandwich for lunch (high fiber, full of good stuff, not really processed) when my friend texted me that he died. I was planning on eating a second sandwich but no bread when I lost my appetite because of the news of his death. I also had a premonition that morning that he was going to die while I was doing laundry.

I am not shitting you.

So now I totally think Luke Perry is channeling me from the dead and helping me with my diet.

What you don’t know is that he was born and raised in the same rural area of Ohio I was. He didn’t become famous until after I moved to Illinois but I know a lot of friends and classmates from high school who either knew of him, dated him, ran in his circle etc.. In fact, he even came back to the little Ohio town of Fredericktown where he graduated high school to attend a festival every summer. And the doctor who delivered him gave my mom some bandage scissors at the hospital where she worked which was coincidentally the hospital where Luke was born.

So we are TOTALLY connected.

I cope with bad stuff by being inappropriately funny.

 

Blue and Orange Light Projeced on Left Hand of Person

And our church became an asshole

I mentioned on my Instagram account about how the United Methodist Church has essentially made it so gay people won’t feel welcome in their churches and the post went over like a lead balloon. So either my Instagram followers don’t agree or didn’t want to watch a 15-minute sermon but no matter, this is how we believe: we have gay friends and framily and love them dearly.

We also love our little church but we don’t know how to move forward in a denomination that doesn’t believe in what we believe in.

So, that is where we are.

But please take the time to listen to this sermon, because it is full of so much good:

West End Methodist Church- Playing Favorites

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But God got ’em back

Speaking of our church, it didn’t have a great social media presence as of last year nor did it have a great website, so I decided to take over the Facebook page in July in hopes of ramping up business for our church, keeping our members connected and informed outside of church, and to give me a legit reason to be on Facebook.

I KID.

But it was our church website that was also really lacking, so I discussed getting rid of the website we were paying hosting for and instead just run a blog for free. The minister seemed interested in saving money and the church secretary loved the idea because then I would be writing it and that would be one less thing for her to have to handle.

So I told them I would take it over once the hosting lapsed with the assumption being that they would handle it on their end when the time came. The hosting was to end in January and so occasionally I would send emails to both of the above with gentle reminders that HEY, OUR WEBSITE SUCKS, LET’S DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT, REMEMBER?

Crickets.

So I didn’t even think about the website going away because the holidays were going on and I was busy homeschooling. It wasn’t until one late January day when I was doing some investigating for the church Facebook page and I happened to look up our old URL.

Apparently, our website had indeed lapsed but no one bothered to do anything about it or just buy the URL and I knew this because the old URL was something COMPLETELY different than it was before.

Do you want to guess what it is now?

Come on, take a guess!

Give up?

Porn.

Our old church website URL leads to porn.

And not just any porn but gay porn.

Well played Universe.

Well. Played.

Oh, and I haven’t found a way to tell the minister this, Do YOU want to tell him?


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Look at me liking relevant music!

To be fair, I do love popular music. In fact, you might even be surprised at the music I know and love. Thanks to Anna and Ella, I get to stay current with all of the most popular artists. Anna and I send each other Apple music songs we know each other would like and now Ella is in the game asking me to send this song or that to Anna at school or Mom, have you heard this one? It’s so good!

Parents, if there is one piece of advice I can give you it’s please don’t shut down your kids’ music choices. My dad would sing along to Hall and Oates or Duran Duran with me during the 80s and that meant a lot more than he probably knows. Because he loved music and maybe it wasn’t the 50’s or 60’s genre he grew up with and loved but it was MUSIC.

There is something really beautiful about singing at the top of your lungs with your children to songs of our children’s generation. And let me tell you if you do that? They will want to love songs of your generation as well.

Plus, music is proven to be amazing for your brain.

Here was my favorite part of the Grammy’s:

That is talent and pure joy captured live on stage. My favorite part hands down.

When it wasn’t Brandi:

Crushing and amazing at the same time

I found this picture on a Homeschool support group page on Facebook a few weeks ago:

 

This could have been written by Ella.  In fact, a week ago while scrolling through the pictures on my phone, Ella happened on this and asked what it was. I explained what it was and then asked her if she ever felt that way when she was in public school.

She paused and said, “all of the time, Mom. But the marks are almost gone now.”

 

How are things in YOUR world? We are in March, Spring is around the corner, I can feel the shift, can you? 

I love to write about my family, John Hughes, tacos and Bruce Hornsby. Not necessarily in that order.

21 Comments

  • Melanie

    So much I could comment on but since I could never remember it all and I’m to lazy to keep scrolling back and forth between your post and the comment box….AND it’s Monday and Daylight Savings Time just started and I feel like I only got a few hours of sleep (which is probably true), this is all I got:

    I am so proud of you for getting braces at your age to do something for yourself. Yay, you!

    But I’m sorry that you suffer with these horrible migraines and have to try so many different things to alleviate them. I hope that one day they just magically go away. Or that one of the meds you try will help. {{hugs}}

    I love what darling Ella said to you about her “school marks” being almost gone now that she’s home-schooled. Wow.

    And yes, talk to your minister about what happened with the web site – yikes!!

    xoxo

      • Ernie

        Wow- lots here to comment on. First- I am 48 too! Braces, good for you. I never had them and never wanted them and I do not remember that tshirt. I did have a retainer. My 4th kid got her braces off recently. Two nore to go, so I appreciate the ferrari bit. I am definitely feeling that. Sorry about the migranes. Hope the shots help. I would pass out every time I had to give myself a shot. The church website thing is so hilarious! Love the xmas gift. It is my dream to get my book published. My husband would not know where to look or what files are current if he was going to try to print my manuscript out. I keep reorganizing it. Start with the jarring part and work my way back? Or lead up to it? I nust get it published. Must. Sorry for your daughter’s school aches and pains. Glad it is improving! It takes a mom sometimes! I think that about covers it. Oh, Luke . . . so sad. I was not big into 90210, but that news still hit hard.
        Ernie recently posted…concerned about crazies, weekend blurs, and a plea for commentsMy Profile

        • Kari Wagner Hoban

          I told the church secretary about the porn on Thursday and the minister already knew about it. It made me feel bad that I didn’t say anything but apparently the Methodist “big wigs” know about it now and are scrambling. Say a prayer.

  • Ani Kay

    I officially love the Tater Tot posts. And that last line literally has me here crying like a baby. LIKE A BABY!

    On a side note, Eric is downstairs signing and dancing along to ‘Everything is Awesome’ from Lego movie with Lorelai, while she’s eating breakfast. I so agree with you on the music front.

    People are still talking about Luke Perry in reverent tones. My mom is retired now, and when we were in CVS yesterday, she saw a magazine and said “Luke Perry died?” And me and the cashier were like yeah, and then started reminiscing about him as if he was an old friend of ours. He seemed to be a legit great guy. You are lucky to have him as your guardian sandwich angel 🙂 (I’m like you with the coping mechanism).
    Ani Kay recently posted…Being Brutally Honest About Not Being PerfectMy Profile

  • Mrs K @ Mrs Kringle's Kitchen

    Good for you for getting braces. If that’s the worst mid-life crisis you have then it’s a pretty inexpensive one in the scheme of things with the bonus of straight teeth. (Just make sure to keep up with the retainers or all of that money goes down the tubes. I’ve seen it several times with friends.)

    Thumbs up to the thing that shall not be mentioned so as not to jinx it.

    What a wonderful gift from your hubby. I hope you have it displayed somewhere prominent, it deserves a place of honor.

    I was not a fan of 90210, in fact, the exact opposite. However, I did briefly meet Luke in 1999 and he was as sweet as everyone says he was. In a room full of celebs, only he and two others were genuinely happy to be there and I always remembered that and how he flashed that sweet smile so freely. I may have never been a Dylan fan but I became a Luke fan that day and mourn the loss with so many others in ways that surprise me.

    High five to the universe for its hilarious choice in interweb karma.

    If I hadn’t found The 1975 a few years ago, I don’t know where I’d be. Most modern music is kind of awful but thankfully you get a few gems out there now and then.

    I’m glad your daughters paper is almost crease free. Nothing a mama can’t iron out.
    Mrs K @ Mrs Kringle’s Kitchen recently posted…Spicy Red Grapefruit VinaigretteMy Profile

    • Kari Wagner Hoban

      Funny thing about retainers: after Ella got her braces off, she lost four baby teeth. So I am afraid we may be in for another round of braces for her eventually. BIG FAT SIGH.
      Aww, I love that Luke Perry story as well! So many great stories I have heard over the past week.
      Almost crease-free, I love that. 🙂

  • Rita

    The last line made me cry, too. What we do to kids in school. No one should feel like crumpled paper. Teachers should live by the “first, do no harm” thing, too.

    And I’m so sorry about your migraines. Mine are better this winter than they’ve been in years. Wish I knew exactly why. Main difference is probably diet and hydration. Oh, and the physical therapist sessions. But I’m drinking so much more water and I’m eating fewer carbs. Still have some (can feel one probably coming on now…), but better than previous years. Cannot imagine having one for three weeks. That’s just crazy-making.

    And I kinda love that the URL goes to gay porn. 🙂 But yeah, tell them.
    Rita recently posted…Stay gold, PonyboyMy Profile

    • Kari Wagner Hoban

      Physical therapy was prescribed for me once and I did it for three months; best I had felt in so long. Writing is actually bad for my posture and therefore one could say that gives me headaches. So I no longer pound out blog posts in one sitting but rather over several weeks, little bits at a time. That is actually why this post is so damn long; I started it over two months ago (right after I wrote the last one).
      I am so glad that your migraines are better! That makes me so happy for you because I know how horrible they can be.
      I really don’t want to tell the minister, WILL YOU DO IT FOR ME??

  • Mother of 3

    Aw… how sweet that your daughter is feeling so much better now! That is one of the perks of homeschooling that is so hard to quantify and yet so totally worth it. I think it is hilarious that the church website is now gay porn and I would not one to be the one to let them know either.

  • Ernie

    Wow- lots here to comment on. First- I am 48 too! Braces, good for you. I never had them and never wanted them and I do not remember that tshirt. I did have a retainer. My 4th kid got her braces off recently. Two nore to go, so I appreciate the ferrari bit. I am definitely feeling that. Sorry about the migranes. Hope the shots help. I would pass out every time I had to give myself a shot. The church website thing is so hilarious! Love the xmas gift. It is my dream to get my book published. My husband would not know where to look or what files are current if he was going to try to print my manuscript out. I keep reorganizing it. Start with the jarring part and work my way back? Or lead up to it? I nust get it published. Must. Sorry for your daughter’s school aches and pains. Glad it is improving! It takes a mom sometimes! I think that about covers it. Oh, Luke . . . so sad. I was not big into 90210, but that news still hit hard.

  • Jenn

    OMG, I love this post! (It reads like the inside of my head.)
    I would love to comment on everything but ADHD and I left my coffee somewhere and now I can’t remember.
    Braces – good for you! My 13 yo gets hers off in six weeks and I’m elate that soon I will have NO MORE orthodontist visits! My own orthodontist (and no I didn’t get a cool tshirt) kind of sucked so it wasn’t until I cracked a molar that I finally got THAT tooth straightened (because I asked them not to put in a crooked crown)

    I love your screen play (and I still want to read the whole thing).

    Luke Perry’s death makes me sad. And not just because I just turned 50 and that’s too close in age.

    And I love that the church site URL was purchased by a gay porn site. I think even God is laughing about that because HE loves everyone.

    And – dang, girl – this is like five posts worth of stuff.
    Jenn recently posted…Finding My PlaceMy Profile

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